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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

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It is assumed that in several nations, it is not preferred by teenagers to stay
apart
Rephrase
away
show examples
 from their procreators
there
Rephrase
apply
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after
qualifying
Verb problem
completing
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 their studies
as well as
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 getting employed. I firmly opine that
this
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 trend has the primary benefit of splendid relations and provides
support
Use synonyms
 which is more than its
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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such
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 as dependency .
To begin
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 with, the major point of demerit
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is adults cannot able to become
an
Correct article usage
apply
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independent
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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.
This
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 is because if they going to stay with their
parents
Use synonyms
 to get
support
Use synonyms
 and advice from them in every harsh situation
as a consequence
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, they have not trained to tackle the various hard situations of their life and still want their parent's
support
Use synonyms
 in future which makes them dependent, lazy, irresponsible and a bad competitor.
For instance
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, the
U.S.A
Correct your spelling
U.S.A.
 revealed that more than 60% of adolescents came on job recruitment with their
parents
Use synonyms
due to
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 their faith that their
parents
Use synonyms
 are the luckiest charm for their success.
However
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, the advantages made
this
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 phenomenon more efficient.
Besides
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this
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, the primary merit of
this
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 is to improve relationships.
This
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 is because living together provides an opportunity to help each other in every possible situation when
parents
Use synonyms
 are getting over-aged and mature, they always want their children's
support
Use synonyms
 physically and mentally which enhances their ability to live more.
Moreover
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, the relationship between parent and child gets embellished and darker which encourages one to provide financial and moral
support
Use synonyms
 when required.
For example
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, the mother who was suffering from heart disease was carried to the hospital by her son in an emergency by 2:00 am, as the doctor was pleased because if the son was not there, nobody
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 do so.
Thus
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, the good points of
this
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 trend cannot be ignored.
To conclude
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,
it is clear that
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 it is better to live with procreators who give the feeling of attachment and mental satisfaction
instead
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 of thinking about dependency as I believe that person should always admire their
birth givers
Correct your spelling
birthgivers
 at any age.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the opinion and main points of the essay. The conclusion should summarize the key points and provide a final thought on the topic.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and elaborate on the advantages and disadvantages of adults living with their parents. Develop the ideas more thoroughly to provide a clear and comprehensive response to the task question.
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