Write about the following topic. People should choose their course of study not on the basis of their own interests, but based on the kinds of jobs they can get. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
this
contemporary epoch, there are countless speakers' pieces of advice about one's ultimate job, and among these speeches, there is a phrase like, individuals don't need to study in their favourite fields,
by contrast
, they should take a lesson for their likely getting subsequent occupations. The following essay will aim
at outlining
Change preposition
to outline
show examples
my partial agreement with the aforementioned statement.
To begin
with, in
this
contemporary epoch, there is a massive rivalry to be accepted to some jobs, so that, a person needs to choose their job on the basis, of which they are likely can get.
Otherwise
, they may collapse into huge depths, called unemployment in their professional lives. To elaborate, if one pays attention to attending courses which may help them somehow in the future, their finding a job process will accelerate since they are willing to do
this
occupation.
For example
, teenagers at a young age tend to dream unreachable dreams, which is why, they will change their minds till they grow up. Ultimately, when they find their working area, they will realise that they have not got enough knowledge to do well. So, it is more reliable than studying in the field which may be helpful in the future from an early age.
However
,
on the other hand
,
although
it is helpful that prepare from an early age for more reachable occupancies, these types of individuals might live an unhappy life and be stuck at the same level until the end of their lives.
In other words
, people will never work or they don't know what is that feeling of exhaustion as long as they are in their lovely fields since they operate in areas in which they interested, their organisms will make more testosterone harmon, and they feel happier,
in contrast
to being busy by some work which is completely annoying for him.
Consequently
,
this
type of folk who go through their dream occupations will
anyways
Rephrase
apply
show examples
show wonderful results.
As a result
, it may be risky or hard to accomplish their intentions, but it is worth trying.
To conclude
, both sides gave relevant examples, it is true that not everyone can accomplish their aim, but my personal position is one needs to work in a field which interesting to him.
Submitted by nadimanasimova on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more clearly presented to frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks in providing relevant specific examples to support the points effectively.

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