Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility for sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are a few people who suggest it is the
authority
's responsibility to manage the overconsumption of sucrose as they are unwell for our health
. It is often argued that this
is a positive action, whilst others disagree and think that it is each person's responsibility. This
essay agrees that the authority
has some responsibility in regulating sugar
intake.
The government
needs to make a clear regulation regarding the consumption of sweets by creating a policy for the distribution of sweet products. Furthermore
, the regulation may contain information about the maximum amount of sugar
in certain products or specify how many sweets can be produced in one batch. It is therefore
agreed that the rules will be made as a way the government
contributes to controlling the consumption of sweets by the consumers. For instance
, this
rule will restrict those who usually consume an abundant amount of sugar
to only half of it because producers made it less in the first place.
However
, many disagree as they believe that it is up to the individuals to control their sugar
intake. The government
can not be burdened with such
a personal matter
regarding people's health
and humans will eventually learn their lesson if the effect of overconsuming sugar
gets to them. Although
there are some positive degrees to it, the authority
should take their part in regulating this
matter
. For example
, if there are a lot of patients that end up in the hospital for this
matter
, the authorities will have to handle a lot of health
problems, such
as obesity and diabetes.
In conclusion, while
the government
takes action to control the overconsumption of sugar
, some people still feel that it is a personal matter
for each individual. However
, as long as the authority
can help reduce the health
issues in a country, the benefits are clearly positive.Submitted by mumtazsyifa18 on
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task achievement
Develop your arguments more fully with relevant examples. Both your discussion of government responsibility and individual responsibility could be enhanced with more specific, illustrative examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer logical sequence. This can be achieved by creating stronger topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensuring that all subsequent sentences relate closely to that topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between sentences and ideas. This can be done by using a greater variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of words and phrases. Use synonyms and alternative expressions to make your writing more varied and engaging.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?