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Band 3

Some feel governments should invest in preserving minority languages, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (Write 250 words.)

#feel #governments #minority #languages #resources
Many
countries
 of the
world
 have a lot of migratory people who escape from their country for some reasons
such
 as war, political policy etc.
This
 situation is the origin of
minority
languages
 in many
countries
. Some feel the government
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 decided to invest
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
 preserve
minority
languages
 has many reasons for taking resources to preserve these.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 reason,
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
 our
world
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 many
languages
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 mankind produced to connect each other. But when the time passed, these old
languages
 were lost because of migration and disaster.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it happened in an Egyptian tribe.
This
 tribe had so much technology that they invented. But in
this
 present day, people in our
world
 cannot read language.
This
 is a reflection that if it was preserved, today
this
 language would not be lost from our
world
. But
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the different reasons that some people in government did not want to preserve
minority
languages
 in their
countries
 are many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
backgrounds.
For example
, preserving these
languages
 will use many resources
such
 as money. Today, many
countries
 have many
problems
 that they want to solve. They must use a lot of money per year to solve these
problems
. After that they did not have much money for solving little
problems
, preserving
minority
languages
.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
finally
, in my opinion, I think that we need to solve big
problems
such
 as environmental
problems
 more than
problems
 about
minority
languages
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Make sure to address both views of the argument equally and extensively before presenting your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction, presenting the topic and summarizing the main points of discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes the information and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use clear and distinct paragraphs to organize your essay, each focusing on a single idea.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to strengthen the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the sophistication of language use and reduce grammatical errors.
task achievement
Try to ensure your opinion emerges naturally from the discussion of the two views.
task achievement
Expand on the main points for a more comprehensive exploration of the views, aiming for a minimum of 250 words.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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