IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some feel governments should invest in preserving minority languages, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (Write 250 words.)

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Nowadays, some governments try to
plow
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plough
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 money into
minority
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languages
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. It might be a good way to keep local communities.
However
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, at the same time, many authorities do not agree with it. They do not want to use a resource.
In addition
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, they think it will waste a lot of resources. And their money
also
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. The
government
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 should invest in preserving
minority
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languages
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 because it will benefit local
people
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 and if the
government
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 tries to help local minorities. A problem of conflicts will be avoided. Because they have the
government
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 to support them.
For example
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, some countries have combat because their governments do not support the local
people
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 and the
minority
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languages
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. In another way, some countries. The
government
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 does not allow local
people
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 to use their
minority
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languages
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. And force them to use the main
languages
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. Because they think It will waste their resources to keep local
languages
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. If the executive still did it. They will create many problems in the
future
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.
Therefore
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 local
people
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 should love their nation and their
languages
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 as well. To illustrate, we have a lot of racism today and in the
future
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. We will have a big issue. The past will resonate in the
future
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 if the
government
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 wants to keep just the main
languages
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. In my opinion, they can not because we have many types of
people
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 who live in the same environment if we try to force specificity on local
people
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. It is not a good idea. And it will create a lot of problems in the community's
future
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.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer. Make a more explicit statement of your opinion towards the end of the introduction to provide a roadmap for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of your argument. For example, the second paragraph mixes ideas about benefits and potential conflicts without clear separation.
task achievement
Try to provide more explicit examples or support for each point made. This will enhance the quality of your argument and demonstrate clear, comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and phrasing to improve clarity. Some sentences are fragmented, making it hard to follow the argument.
content
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential in an IELTS essay.
content
The acknowledgment of potential conflicts is a relevant point and adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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