IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some feel governments should invest in preserving minority languages, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (Write 250 words.)

#feel #governments #minority #languages #resources
It is argued by some that the governments should invest to preserve
languages
, others think that it takes a lot of resources and effort. The
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
 is one of the most important historical
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
resource
Change to a plural noun
resources
show examples
 of that country. There are historical backgrounds and knowledge of specific local people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 used their own language to communicate
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that time.
For instance
,
Thailand
Change preposition
in Thailand
show examples
, there are various
languages
. These
languages
 have their own story, special
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 and important
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
, which they wrote and passed
the culture
Rephrase
on
show examples
 to
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
central education makes
this minority
Change the determiner
this minority language
these minority languages
show examples
languages
 disappear and hardly
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
uses
Correct pronoun usage
uses them
show examples
. In
this
 point of view, the
government
 is able to make a significant impact
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 preserving the
languages
 because the
government
 organisation has more resources, funding and specialised
personnels
Correct your spelling
personnel
 that can make it efficient.
On the other hand
,
preservation
Correct article usage
the preservation
show examples
 of
this
 cultural heritage uses massive funding and resources from the
government
 to keep
this
 particular language. There are those who feel that it's not worth spending time in
this
 area because it is just a small group of people and it isn't used in formal communication.
This
 is an ineffective expenditure to preserve these minority
languages
. In my opinion, the
government
 should preserve these
languages
 and pass them
to
Change preposition
on to
show examples
 the younger generation. It might not need to be used but it can be preserved in the museum or city hall for people who want to learn the history.
Moreover
,
this
 can make it a learning centre for children to visit.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task response
While you address both views of the argument, ensure that the opposing viewpoints are more clearly differentiated and thoroughly explored. Provide additional arguments or examples to bolster the discussion, contributing to a complete response.
task response
Some ideas can be expanded with specific examples or detailed explanation. For instance, when you talk about resources or cultural significance, you could include more illustrative examples to enrich the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence with better use of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas, making the essay easier to follow. Trying using words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'for instance' more effectively throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by linking the main ideas. You should aim for seamless cohesion between arguments to create a logical progression of thought.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well.
task response
You've successfully presented both perspectives on the topic and shared your own opinion effectively, contributing well to task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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