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Band 3.5

Some people like to travel to somewhere new and different when they go on holiday while others prefer familiar places

#people #travel #holiday #places
Some
people
 say that we are keen on
Add an article
a
the
show examples
journey to somewhere
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
new and various when
they
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 go on holiday
while
 others say that it is better for us to travel
familiar
Change preposition
to familiar
show examples
places
 than to go to different new
places
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there are many benefits
both
Change preposition
to both
show examples
 of these, there are some drawbacks. First I will write about the advantages of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.There are numerous advantages of
trip
Correct article usage
a trip
show examples
.
Firstly
, I think that almost all
people
 travel for leisure.
For example
 ,if someone is bored or tired from work , he or she goes on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 trip with family or alone ,because
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
an
show examples
unknown city or country and seeing new
places
 are
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 to have a great and fun time and overcome fatigue .
Secondly
,A journey has learned to
people
 many sides of life. If
people
 travel to unknown
places
 ,
theycan
Correct your spelling
they can
 learn the language,culture,and history of that place.
Finally
, you can taste
this
 country's food ,you can learn about their national customs when you go foreign country
On the other hand
,I think that
people
 go to familiar
places
 ,they have not learned anything because already have known most of
things
Add an article
the things
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there.
Furthermore
,they have a great option because they have never
confused
Add a missing verb
been confused
show examples
 .
In addition
,you have never felt uncomfortable in
this
 place. In conclusion,I think that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is a great opportunity to have fun ,whether it is
familiar
Add an article
a familiar
the familiar
show examples
 or new place.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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