IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You have recently learned about a piece of equipment that would help you at your workplace. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, describe the equipment explain how it might be useful at your workplace offer help in purchasing it Write at least 150 words.

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Dear Dhruvi, I trust you are doing well. I am writing
this
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 to propose a very useful piece of equipment which could
further
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 expand our engineering capabilities and productivity. First and foremost, I would like to suggest Apple’s Vision Pro
for
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to
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 all our Designers. It is a VR headset
that is
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 equipped with the latest
softwares
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software
, sensors, and other
hardwares
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hardware
.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 will allow us as designers to work in real
life-sized
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real-life
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 environment to design any new product without having the need
of
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for
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physical
Add an article
the physical
a physical
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 product.
Besides
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this
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, Its powerful GPU and CPU will enable us to run more simulations, and CFDs more than four times faster than our computers.
Therefore
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, I would highly recommend that the company should invest in
this
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 new technology.
Last
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 but not least, I have a friend who is working in Apple’s corporate office,
he
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and he
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 could help us to get the best price. I am excited to hear a positive response from you about
this
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 proposal. Kind regards, Ruchin Patel

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coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking up some of the longer sentences into shorter ones for improved clarity.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more detailed examples of how the equipment could practically enhance productivity.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear greeting and closing, which contributes to a friendly tone.
task achievement
You proposed a specific piece of equipment and highlighted its benefits well, which is important for task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • state-of-the-art
  • ergonomic
  • cost-effective
  • streamline processes
  • boost productivity
  • enhance efficiency
  • high-quality
  • integrate into our workflow
  • ROI (return on investment)
  • implement
  • facilitate
  • procurement
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