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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are producede. Summarize the information by selecting the reporting the main features.

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are producede. Summarize the information by selecting the reporting the main features.
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A pictorial illustration of the milk manufacturing process and its derivatives.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are eight steps in the process of half-and-half production.
The first step is
Linking Words
 cow grazing which occurs on the homestead. The cattle are well-fed till maturation for adequate buttermilk extraction. half-and-half is
then
Linking Words
 collected twice daily using a machine, which delivers daily in a tanker to the
dairy
Use synonyms
farm
Use synonyms
 pasture. At the
dairy
Use synonyms
farm
Use synonyms
nursery
Add a comma
,nursery
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 cream is converted to cheese, cream and butter. ,
Also
Linking Words
 pasteurization and packaging occur at the
dairy
Use synonyms
farm
Use synonyms
 garden.
However
Linking Words
, the end process is the dispatch of the
dairy
Use synonyms
farm
Use synonyms
 pasture products, to the final consumer which is made through sales in supermarkets and sho

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dairy, farm with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 0 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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