IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related product are produced

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related product are produced
The diagram illustrates the stages involved in the production of
milk
Use synonyms
 and other items related to it .
Overall
Linking Words
 , it is obvious from the picture that eight steps are involved in the production of dairy products starting from the extraction of
milk
Use synonyms
 from grazed cows on the farm to the distribution of the end products to shops and supermarkets.
To begin
Linking Words
,
the first step is
Linking Words
 the collection of raw items from cows on the farm with the use of a milking machine and
this
Linking Words
 is done two times a day.
In addition
Linking Words
,it is stored in a refrigerator for preservation . Next from there, the tanker assigned for transportation conveys it on an everyday basis to dairy for processing. .
Furthermore
Linking Words
,at the dairy, the refrigerated
milk
Use synonyms
 is processed into cheese, butter and cream on one side and pasteurized
milk
Use synonyms
 on the other side. Followed by the packaging of these end products and
finally
Linking Words
 distributed in supermarkets and shops for consumers to purchase for consumption

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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