People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is why in some countries youth have to work harder and rest less because of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
peer pressure. In many countries education systems are highly competitive
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
students
have to do their best just to be accepted to university or college. Even though they have more leisure time it always
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to be used to gain knowledge or
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
school projects. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
it is a global problem that, of course, has its solutions. The main cause of
this
problem is extensive curriculum and examination pressure. In many countries, especially in Asia, it’s
quite
Change the article
quite a
a quite
show examples
common issue that
asian
Change the capitalization
Asian
show examples
students
literally feel excessively stressed about national exams after graduation.
Examination
Correct article usage
The examination
show examples
system in Asia is really violent,
for instance
,
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
students
think that the exam they pass after graduation can decide their fate,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
is the reason why
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
teachers prepare
students
for the exams from an early age.
This
may have a good effect on their future life until they become mentally illness. It is probably the most widely spread situation
people
meet after a big stress attack.
This
also
could lead to increasing suicide rates or might result in unemployment growth. One of the most suggested
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
-
school
Add a missing verb
is school
show examples
bombing,
moreover
I suppose it will not help to solve
this
problem so we can confidently cross off the list.
Firstly
people
may start rallies,
uprisings
Correct word choice
and uprisings
show examples
. Rebellion against Ministers of Education. At least it can give
people
an opportunity to pass exams a bit easier with less anxiety. And
at the end
, maybe, removing all the tests, but it is not sure. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
conclusion that
serving
Verb problem
encouraging
show examples
students
to study hard and the pressure that they get have a bad influence on
students
’s minds and lives. So it wouldn’t be surprising to see some
people
being mentally unstable because of
difficulties
Correct article usage
the difficulties
show examples
of studying. It really can become a reflection of their mental state.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: