IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.
#process #milk #products
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The diagram illustrates the method by which dairy products are manufactured.
Overall
Linking Words
, we could see healthy female cows
applygrazing
Correct your spelling
apply grazing
 on the farmland, the extracted milk is refrigerated and later
channels
Replace the word
channelled
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 to a conveying truck,taken to the factory house for
further
Linking Words
 production and purchase of the commodities in the respective business centres.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the female cows are mainly milked with a pumping machine twice a day as much of the liquid is stored in the refrigerator to prevent spoilage .
Then
Linking Words
 later transported on a vehicle to the diary house for
further
Linking Words
 production of cheeses, cream and butter
e.t.c
Correct your spelling
etc
. Are daily nutritional values for every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Further
Linking Words
, the recommended product is processed into
recycling
Replace the word
recycled
show examples
 bottles and branding packaging to attract consumers in supermarkets and malls.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • milking machines
  • containers
  • refrigerated trucks
  • pasteurization
  • homogenization
  • separation
  • standardization
  • cream
  • skim milk
  • fat content
  • packaging
  • cartons
  • bottles
  • dairy processing plant
  • quality control
  • safety and quality standards
  • distribution
  • retailers
  • grocery stores
  • vendors
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