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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts give information about the three various elements (carbohydrates, protein and fat) of three meal plans, namely an average diet, a healthy diet and a healthy diet for sport.

The pie charts give information about the three various elements (carbohydrates, protein and fat) of three meal plans, namely an average diet, a healthy diet and a healthy diet for sport.
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The
three
Use synonyms
 charts illustrate the percentage of
three
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 categories, namely carbohydrates, protein, and fat in
three
Use synonyms
 different diets.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 carbohydrates account for a majority of a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and a healthy
diet
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. Meanwhile, protein has the highest proportion in the average
diet
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 compared with other diets. It can be seen clearly that Carbohydrates make up a 60% healthy
diet
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 for
sport
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 proportion is lower
10
Change preposition
than 10
show examples
% in the healthy
diet
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 and 20% in the average
diet
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.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, people who follow the average
diet
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 consume the highest protein at 40%, compared with the healthy
diet
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 and healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 for
sport
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, 30% for the former and 25% for the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
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. Fat consists of a small fraction
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nutrition for those who are following
three
Use synonyms
 ways of
diet
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. The percentage of fat in a healthy
diet
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 for
sport
Use synonyms
 is the lowest a fifth
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two need higher fat by 5%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words three, diet, sport with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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