IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foriegn language at primary school rather than secondary school. do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#experts #children #foriegn #language #school #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are experts who believe that it is beneficial for young
students
Use synonyms
 to learn a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in the early stage of their studies.
Although
Linking Words
 there are disadvantages involved in
this
Linking Words
 suggestion, I believe that the advantages outweigh the downsides. On the negative side, there are drawbacks to
this
Linking Words
 plan. The most justifiable argument is concerned with the student's ability in their mother tongue.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, if
students
Use synonyms
 learn another
language
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
, they cannot learn their first
language
Use synonyms
 properly. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is bilingual
students
Use synonyms
 who have a partial understanding of both
languages
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 in turn may cause them to face difficulties
to understand
Change preposition
in understanding
show examples
 other subjects like history and mathematics. Young
students
Use synonyms
,
furthermore
Linking Words
, may feel severe pressure
as a result
Linking Words
 of learning two
languages
Use synonyms
 at the same time. One outcome would be they become reluctant to pursue their education.
However
Linking Words
, advocates of the idea of a compulsory second
language
Use synonyms
 scheme for primary
students
Use synonyms
 assert that
students
Use synonyms
 can
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from
such
Linking Words
 plans in many ways.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
students
Use synonyms
 can learn a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 faster. Having more energy and enthusiasm, young
students
Use synonyms
 are capable of learning a
language
Use synonyms
 in a shorter period compared to older
students
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many primary
school
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 around the world have learned two
languages
Use synonyms
 in less than a year.
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it would be impossible for a secondary
school
Use synonyms
 student to learn a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
 pace.
Moreover
Linking Words
, primary
school
Use synonyms
 pupils have more time to spend learning new
languages
Use synonyms
 as they do not have to work on demanding projects and essays.
In contrast
Linking Words
, secondary schools are tied with many obligations. In conclusion, some people assert that learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in primary schools may be harmful to
students
Use synonyms
 as it might put them under severe pressure, and they are less likely to learn their first
language
Use synonyms
 thoroughly. Others including me argue that based on the plus sides of
this
Linking Words
 plan
such
Linking Words
 as more efficiency among young
students
Use synonyms
 in learning a new
language
Use synonyms
, the benefits outweigh the downsides.
Submitted by amirghas92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Good use of examples to support your points. Make sure to paraphrase the prompt in the introduction and present a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, but consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: