the charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances

the charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances
The line graphs depict
thesurvey
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the survey
on electronic devices (washing
machine
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machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
, and
vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
) usage in every house and the working
hours
every week within
timeframe
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the timeframe
a timeframe
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of a century period from 1920 to 2019. The data is measured by percentage and number of
hours
per week.
Overall
, the usage of washing machine,
refrigerator
, and
vacuum
cleaner
were
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was
show examples
increasing drastically over the year, even though they have
different
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a different
show examples
starting point.
Moreover
, the number of
hours
of people using them
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
declining over the 10 decades period.
First
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The first
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thing to note,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
of
household
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households
show examples
using electrical appliances were rising skyrocketed with
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
and
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
having the highest rise.
Moreover
, both
vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
show examples
and
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
surpassed the washing machine trendline in 1960.
Vacuum
cleaner lines were soaring steadily from 1920 to 2000 (30% to 100% respectively) which was followed by a period of stability from 2000 to 2019.
Furthermore
, the usage of
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
experienced a gradual increment in 6 decades from 1920 (about 40%) to 1960 (around 90%) and reached
it
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its
show examples
highest peak of 100% in 1980. Meanwhile, the majority of people in 1920 were using electrical appliances for 50
hours
.
However
, the number decreased
into
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to
show examples
only
two-fifth
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two-fifths
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from
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of
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the former data in 1960 (approximately 20
hours
). It continuously
falling
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
and reached its lowest point in 2019 with slightly more than 10
hours
.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
Vocabulary: Replace the words refrigerator, vacuum, hours with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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