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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.
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The given bar chart compares the number of
people
Use synonyms
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
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 to
cimenas
Correct your spelling
cinemas
 in one particular European nation on different days
by
Change preposition
in
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 three different years. In 2003, 2005 and 2007, the most number of
people
Use synonyms
 visited the
cineams
Correct your spelling
cinemas
cinema
 on Saturday
while
Linking Words
 the lowest number of
people
Use synonyms
 visited the
cinemas
Use synonyms
 on
Monday
Use synonyms
. In 2005, 45% of individuals tend to
visited
Change the verb
visit
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 the
cinemas
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 on Saturday. between 2003 and 2007, 40% and around 42% of
people
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 visited
cinemas
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 on the same day. 30% of
people
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 visited
cinemas
Use synonyms
 on
Friday
Fix the agreement mistake
Fridays
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three
Change preposition
for three
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 different years.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in the past,
people
Use synonyms
 did not often
visited
Change the verb form
visit
show examples
 the
cinemas
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 on
Use synonyms
Monday
Fix the agreement mistake
Mondays
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. 10% to below 15% of
people
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 visited
cinemas
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 on
Monday
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. from 2003 to 2007, the figure decreased dramatically on Wednesday. More than 30% of
people
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 tend to
visited
Change the verb
visit
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cinemas
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on
Change preposition
from
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 Friday to Sunday. below than 23% of
people
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 visited
cinemas
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 on
Monday
Use synonyms
 to Thursday between 2003 to 2007.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cinemas, monday with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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