IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #countries #tourism #development
In the modern world, it is widely known that travelling to another
country
 is much easier than it was in the past, thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-developed transportation, travellers now can visit various places and explore different cultures.
However
, there are
also
 debates about whether the advantages that
this
 phenomenon brings outweigh the disadvantages. From my perspective,
although
 some countries are suffering from mass visitors, it is still beneficial to them considering a variety of benefits. Some claim that the convenience of travelling to another
country
 has brought severe issues to the city’s environment which include air pollution and littering.
Although
 it is true to some extent, the argument does not consider the fact that many kinds of pollution can be reduced by establishing new policies or laws. Take Singapore as an example, it
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 set several strict laws and zero-tolerance policies in the past few years. Since
then
, citizens and visitors
are
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more conscious when they are carrying any garbage with them.
Hence
, the
overall
 pollution has decreased and
this
 example
also
 proved that the disadvantage could be reduced or even eliminated.
On the other hand
, the advantages that easy travelling brings to societies are enormous.
Firstly
, a
country
's financial condition can be improved by the money that tourists have spent.
Also
, it is predictable that they will buy lots of products, tickets and groceries.
However
, having a lot of visitors does not always represent a bad thing,
due to
 the highly-developed internet, people can easily send photos and post pictures on social media,
therefore
, those spectacular sights can be promoted and attract more people to visit them.
To conclude
,
although
 some people are trying to reject the notion that the disadvantages that easy travelling has brought outweigh the advantages, it is obvious that they have not noticed that the worry can be solved and the financial and promoting benefits could strongly benefit a
country
.
Submitted by soumya.krishnamurthy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

extended
Task Response: The essay effectively addresses the advantages and disadvantages of easy travel and provides a clear opinion. The arguments are well-developed and relevant examples are used to support the opinions.
extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is good, with clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are well-supported with relevant examples. However, some sentences could be linked more coherently with stronger transitional phrases for a smoother flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • boost local economies
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • environmental degradation
  • deforestation
  • overcrowding
  • commodification
  • authentic cultural experiences
  • revenue
  • perspective
  • globalization
  • sustainable tourism
  • heritage sites
  • local customs
  • appreciation of diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: