Nowadays, many children are obese.what are the causes and solutions to this problem?

#children

At present, the rate of obese

children

has decreased.

This

is mainly

due to

a bad

diet

, and lack of activity, but there are a number of solutions that can be implemented to deal with

this

issue. One of the most common causes

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bad

diet

This

is because many

children

prefer eating fast food that contains a high percentage of calories, and

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of enough healthy items, which leads to obesity in

short

Add an article

a short

show examples

time

. The second cause

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is the lack of activity.To put simply,nowadays

children

like to stay at home to play

video

games

without any physical activity, which reduces the

calorie burning

Add a hyphen

calorie-burning

show examples

process, and increase the rate of fat in their body. The most perfect solution to fix

obesity

Correct article usage

the obesity

show examples

issue is

that

is make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

Change the article

show examples

healthy

diet

for

children

In other words

,their parents should

till

Correct your spelling

tell

show examples

them about the effects of eating unhealthy food and motivate their

children

to eat healthy food and make it for them at home.The second solution is

that

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

video

games

should be banned.

This

is because many

children

spend a lot of

time

playing

video

games

, so if there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

video

games

anymore, they will have to find another way to spend their free

time

, so at that

time

, their parents should give them good choices

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

football or basketball that can be more helpful for them. In conclusion, computer

games

should be

banning

Wrong verb form

banned

show examples

, and making

Change the article

show examples

healthy

diet

are the two effective measures to tackle

this

problem. If these solutions are applied by all parents,

this

issue could be reduced easily.

Submitted by s_syedy on Fri May 26 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, many children are obese.what are the causes and solutions to this problem?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people feel that entertainers (e. g film stars, pop musicians, sports stars) are paid too much money. do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?

The development of tourism contributed English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world?