IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as poor people become poorer and rich people become richer. What problems could this situations casue??what are the solutions to address those problems??

Nowadays, the disparity between rich and poor
people
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 has increased.
However
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, an unstable national economy and increased social
crime
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 are the main problems of
this
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issue
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, and the most suitable solutions are improving the learning process and supporting and funding social
programs
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. The principal problem associated with
this
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gap
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 is a weak economy.
In other words
Linking Words
, some countries have a lack of job opportunities which leads to expanding the
gap
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 between the rich and poor. The result of
this
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 is often increasing the number of unemployed
people
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. Another
issue
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 is that the
crime
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 rate is widespread in poor communities.
This
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 is usually
due to
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 the lack of access to quality
education
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 among low-income individuals. When individuals do not receive a good
education
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this
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 often leads to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in problems and
crime
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 rates. A viable solution to address
this
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 problem is for governments to invest in training
programs
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.
This
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 can help by providing suitable
programs
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 for those who are not interested in completing higher
education
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, which prepares them for the job market. Another effective way to deal with
this
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issue
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 is to enhance the
education
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 system.
For example
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, research
people
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 from Oxford University said that the rate of
crime
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 has decreased in one of the developing countries in Africa after it had funded the
education
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 sector, which solved
this
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issue
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. In conclusion,
although
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 the lack of a national economy and
crime
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 rate are major problems for
this
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gap
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 that can result in a big
gap
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 between poor and rich
people
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, implementing some
programs
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 for the poor and developing
education
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 can effectively address
this
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect your ideas with linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally'. This helps readers follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular training programs that have worked in similar situations.
task achievement
Try to explain each problem in a bit more detail before moving to solutions. This will help to show the importance of the solutions you suggest.
task achievement
Your introduction outlines the main problems clearly, which is a good start.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your points well, reinforcing your message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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