IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In spite of the advantages made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#spite #agriculture #people #world #case
In
this
 modern epoch, innovation has taken charge in every field considering agriculture specifically has many modern machines nowadays that have not only made the life of farmers easy but
also
 increased production.
However
, there are many families who are still unable to eat at least two meals a day. Mainly because of the higher foodstuff prices
as well as
 public authorities earning money from exports.
This
 could be solved only with the help of the government.
Firstly
, even though many countries produce tons of lentils and vegetables every season, the market rate of these eatables is ever-growing.
Therefore
, disabling folks in poverty
to purchase
Change preposition
from purchasing
show examples
 it. Taking
this
 into account, as per my knowledge, India is the biggest producer of wheat which is one of the main components of basic meals yet
familIes
Correct your spelling
families
show examples
 are still starving in that country.
Consequently
, affordability plays a significant role in
this
 case and the government should reconsider the prices of these basic meal ingredients in order to not let the residents starve.
Secondly
, in many nations, the authorities export most of the bread in exchange for money which is somehow aimed to be used by the public but never comes out of their pockets.
Nonetheless
,
according to
 me, Africa is the country where the highest number of people do not eat at least one meal a day despite it produces many fruits like pineapple, mango etc. in abundance. Certainly, these countries are leaned towards earning money
instead
 of feeding their own citizens. It is not rude but WHO should strictly ban the export and import of feed. In conclusion, the bread shortage is basically because of the government increasing the prices continuously and exporting the eatable to other countries
whereas
 communities are starving on a large scale in the nation.
Thus
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 authority needs to revise the rates and
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Health Organisation should step forward to help.
Submitted by ramanpreetkaursetia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides some relevant examples. However, the response could be more comprehensive and focused on proposing solutions to the problem.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure and presents an introduction and conclusion. However, the cohesion could be improved by using more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: