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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents
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Unhealthy
Correct article usage
An unhealthy
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 is becoming the vast majority of
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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 these days, especially in kids. Many kids these days have an unhealthy lifestyle, so education programs and
parents
Use synonyms
 are in charge of finding
this
Linking Words
 problem. I do agree that responsibility has been done with both of them and I would explain with some following reasons. Regarding
schools
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main place where
children
Use synonyms
 socialize with their classmates. Kids as immature individuals tend to
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
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 all activities that they do
together with
Linking Words
 their friends,
such
Linking Words
 as eating habits. Doing lunch and snacking together is the happiest part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 because
children
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 can eat and gather with their friends outside the class, either taking
food
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 from home or buying
food
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 in the canteen. Without restrictions from the
schools
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, the variety of
food
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that is
Linking Words
 served
in
Change preposition
by
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 the
food
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 tenants in
canteen
Correct article usage
the canteen
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 might be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s health.
In addition
Linking Words
, making rules for
food
Use synonyms
 stalls could be a wise solution, not only for
children
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 but
also
Linking Words
 for the superintendent.
However
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 as the tiniest unit where
children
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 live
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 important as
schools
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 look to be fair to protect or punish their
children
Use synonyms
 regarding the types of
food
Use synonyms
 that they are eaten. Not only that, physical activities are the other contributor that
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to unhealthy lifestyles. Having an appropriate schedule might be helpful to guide the
children
Use synonyms
. Because, it seems like in the
schools
Use synonyms
,
parents
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 have their own rules that might be applied or not. All in all, both
schools
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 and
parents
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 have the main role in limiting an unhealthy lifestyle for
children
Use synonyms
. As the responsibility is equal, education programs and
parents
Use synonyms
 have their own guidance
that is
Linking Words
 suitable for their students, for
schools
Use synonyms
 and for their
children
Use synonyms
 in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
What to do next:
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