IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development
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Nowadays, a large number of
people
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 have been out of their countries to be far from
friends
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 and families thinking
that is
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 a good way to
entry
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enter
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 into a job market. There are some advantages and
disadvantages
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 to
do
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doing
show examples
 that, but in my opinion, developing how to be independent is more important than some
disadvantages
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.
Firstly
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, the main advantage of not staying near proximity family is to learn to become self-independent, whatever person needs to be financially independent or be able to pay their basic life cost to survive and improve along their career to start a family.
In addition
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, if these
people
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 are accommodated in their family houses or arrested in their usual routine with
friends
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, the most common of happen is that person gives up on improving different skills
such
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 as care of a house or raising money. When we are forced to get responsibilities faster we become mature in work, and
also
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 in social life.
On the other hand
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, there are some
disadvantages
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 when you are far from family or
friends
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.
For example
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,
people
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 feel alone or missing, and
this
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 bad feeling could be negative to your productivity at work. In Conclusion,
although
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, there are some
disadvantages
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 to moving far away from hometown, in my opinion, the advantages of becoming independent, developing new skills and becoming professional and mature far outweigh the feeling of missing
people
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 because actually
this
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 question is easy to solve when you use the technology,
for instance
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, talk with your relatives with video calls or meet
friends
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 in virtual chats, and after you start your new family all of your hard work will be recompensed.
Submitted by lucianocamilot on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure complete clarity and avoid occasionally convoluted sentences. It's essential to maintain precise language for better understanding.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and evidence to support the points made. Illustrating with examples can strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
Divide your essay more clearly into paragraphs, with each paragraph discussing a single main idea. This enhances readability and structure.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion that encapsulates the main argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly, exploring both advantages and disadvantages before presenting a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Demonstrates a good attempt to argue the points logically within the framework of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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