IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people prefer to spend all the money they earn and not save it. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #development
In
this
 era, inhabitants live hand to mouth since they do not like to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
preserve money for their future. The possible causes for
this
 trend would be discussed below and I consider it as a negative change.
To begin
 with, dwellers prefer to utilize all their earnings regularly because of many reasons.
Initially
, they believe their fundamental aim is to enjoy their life
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the utmost.
Consequently
, they want to turn every second of life into
unforgettable
Add an article
an unforgettable
show examples
 moment, no matter, how much they have to spend.
For instance
, youngsters frequently visit with their friends to recreational clubs for dancing or playing games.
Besides
this
, in
this
 hectic lifestyle, they are suffering from enormous mental disorders and try to relax in the way they prefer.
In other words
, specifically in
western
Correct your spelling
Western
show examples
 nations, dwellers work very hard
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their weekdays, and to relieve from stress
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal and professional life, on the weekend they entertain themselves.
Also
, occasionally they spend their money on expensive clothes, shoes, or other services for
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
 of
show
Change the form of the verb
showing
show examples
 off among companions.
Furthermore
,
this
 development has brought considerable drawbacks. To commence with, in the urge of being rich or
enjoyment
Replace the word
enjoyable
show examples
 people run out of money,
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
 after
loss
Add an article
the loss
show examples
 of employment they found it arduous to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 fundamental needs and suffer from
financial
Add an article
the financial
a financial
show examples
 crisis.
For instance
, newspapers frequently
entitles
Change the verb form
entitle
show examples
regarding
Change preposition
about
show examples
 victims of unemployment, who had committed
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 or suicide,
due to
 financial
break down
Join the words
breakdown
show examples
.
Apart from
this
,
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 within countries have a considerable impact
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
common
Add an article
the common
show examples
 man.
For example
, inflation following
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 risen the cost of all the provisions, in certain situations,
aperson
Correct your spelling
a person
 used to
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
keep savings
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
could only afford high grocery, transportation or rental services. In conclusion, instability in
expenditure
Add an article
the expenditure
show examples
 of income for the purpose of entertainment or to receive fake pride leads to financial breakdown. To curb
this
, seminars to acknowledge
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 regarding
balance
Add an article
the balance
show examples
 between income and assets ought to be provided by high authorities or educational institutes.
Submitted by jhajjravneet9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: