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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people prefer to spend all the money they earn and not save it. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #development
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In
this
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 era, inhabitants live hand to mouth since they do not like to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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preserve money for their future. The possible causes for
this
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 trend would be discussed below and I consider it as a negative change.
To begin
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 with, dwellers prefer to utilize all their earnings regularly because of many reasons.
Initially
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, they believe their fundamental aim is to enjoy their life
at
Change preposition
to
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 the utmost.
Consequently
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, they want to turn every second of life into
unforgettable
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an unforgettable
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 moment, no matter, how much they have to spend.
For instance
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, youngsters frequently visit with their friends to recreational clubs for dancing or playing games.
Besides
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this
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, in
this
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 hectic lifestyle, they are suffering from enormous mental disorders and try to relax in the way they prefer.
In other words
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, specifically in
western
Correct your spelling
Western
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 nations, dwellers work very hard
in
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on
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 their weekdays, and to relieve from stress
of
Change preposition
apply
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personal and professional life, on the weekend they entertain themselves.
Also
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, occasionally they spend their money on expensive clothes, shoes, or other services for
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
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 of
show
Change the form of the verb
showing
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 off among companions.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 development has brought considerable drawbacks. To commence with, in the urge of being rich or
enjoyment
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enjoyable
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 people run out of money,
Infact
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In fact
 after
loss
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the loss
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 of employment they found it arduous to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 fundamental needs and suffer from
financial
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the financial
a financial
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 crisis.
For instance
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, newspapers frequently
entitles
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entitle
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regarding
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about
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 victims of unemployment, who had committed
crime
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crimes
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 or suicide,
due to
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 financial
break down
Join the words
breakdown
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.
Apart from
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this
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,
economical
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economic
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crisis
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crises
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 within countries have a considerable impact
upon
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on
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common
Add an article
the common
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 man.
For example
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, inflation following
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 risen the cost of all the provisions, in certain situations,
aperson
Correct your spelling
a person
 used to
of
Change preposition
apply
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keep savings
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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could only afford high grocery, transportation or rental services. In conclusion, instability in
expenditure
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the expenditure
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 of income for the purpose of entertainment or to receive fake pride leads to financial breakdown. To curb
this
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, seminars to acknowledge
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 regarding
balance
Add an article
the balance
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 between income and assets ought to be provided by high authorities or educational institutes.
Submitted by jhajjravneet9 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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