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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
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In the technological era of the world, with the growing development of the internet, social
media
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 is becoming ubiquitous in our society.
However
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, it is often thought to be a rationale for the cause of short attention spans among people. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 notion because of the reasons which will be discussed in the essay. On the one hand, the way social
media
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 delivers
information
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 to everyone imposes a constraint on our focus ability. Provided that books are the tools that help us obtain profound knowledge in specific fields. Social
media
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 are a magnificent place where huge amounts of
information
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 from a myriad of fields
such
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 as economics,
politics
Correct word choice
and politics
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,.. are stored. Notwithstanding that books have abundant data , they positively foster our attention spans as they promote our minds to stay focused on particular objectives.
While
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 in social
media
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, data is various including unnecessary info when our mind's function is to focus on specific tasks.
Consequently
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, the capability of concentrating on particular fields is likely diminished.
On the other hand
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, social
media
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a role as distractions in our day. These platforms
such
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 as Facebook , Instagram,…. are designed to help us gain
information
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 effortlessly with only a straightforward action
such
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 as Scrolling.
This
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 has led to a culture of instant gratification, where we are conditioned to expect everything at the click of a button.
Consequently
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, we become impatient when we are presented with
information
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 that requires a longer attention span,
such
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 as reading a book or watching a documentary. In conclusion, applying the aforementioned points above, social
media
Use synonyms
 have an adverse effect on our capability of concentrating, leading to a lessened amount of scrutiny spans
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a moderate level of coherence and cohesion. However, there are areas where the logical structure could be improved for better flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the task with some relevant points and examples. However, there are areas where the response can be more comprehensive and clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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