You have been working for a company for some time, and other rival companies are willing to employ you with a higher salary for all the practical experience you have gained. Write a letter to your company manager and in your letter • Explain the situation • Say what you would like the manager to do (increase the salary etc.) • Say what action you would take in case the manager fails to meet your demands Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.

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Dear Mr. Thomas, I hope

this

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email finds you in good health. I am writing

this

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letter to inform you of some information about the recent job offer that I have received from "Coats Bangladesh" and the situation which I have been experiencing related to

the

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current workplace. As you know I have been working in your esteemed organization since 2023 as a Supply Chain Manager.

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, recently my son has received a 50% scholarship from Dhaka University as he is going to pursue his Master's Degree Program there.

Although

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this

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is a bit of good news for me, I have to pay the rest of the 50% tuition fee which is really tough for me with my current

salary

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However

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, the new company has been offering me with 150K monthly

salary

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whereas

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I have been drawing a 100K monthly

salary

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from your company since 2024 which is why I am thinking about accepting of new job offer if you do not decide to increase the

salary

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as per my expectation. I hope you will consider the above-mentioned situation judiciously and will take a fruitful decision. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Robert Atkinson

faisalmahamoodThu Feb 22 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure the timeline mentioned is consistent and logical. Stating that you have been working since 2023 and then mentioning drawing a salary from 2024 might confuse the reader. Consistency in presenting factual information enhances clarity and task achievement.

Coherence and Cohesion

Introduce paragraphs for each point you're addressing for better readability and coherence. The transition from personal situation to the job offer and then to your request could be more clearly demarcated with paragraphs.

Task Achievement

Include a polite and respectful closing sentence that reiterates your hope for a positive response, further enhancing the writing tone's suitability.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence, use conjunctions and linking words more effectively to create smoother transitions between ideas within paragraphs.

5
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

198 words

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