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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.
#water #usage #san #diego #california #rest #world
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The given charts give information about the amount of
water
Use synonyms
 used in
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
,
California
Use synonyms
 and the rest of the world.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 city dwellers use
water
Use synonyms
 the most in
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
 and
California
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in the rest of the world takes up the lowest portion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, worldwide agricultural
water
Use synonyms
 usage is the highest out of
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 charts. The proportion of residential
water
Use synonyms
 usage in
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
 County is over half as much again as that of
California
Use synonyms
 and that of both charts accounts for the highest portion.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 used for agriculture in
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
 and
California
Use synonyms
 is the smallest fraction, at 17% and 28% respectively.
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
’s industry uses
water
Use synonyms
 10% less than that of
California
Use synonyms
. In the rest of the world, agricultural
water
Use synonyms
 usage occupies over a half portion and is over four as much as that of
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
 County
while
Linking Words
 residents use the least compared with the others.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 used for the industry is the same as that of
San
Use synonyms
Diego
Use synonyms
 and 10% lower than
California
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, san, diego, california with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • households
  • significant
  • industrial use
  • implications
  • agriculture
  • geographical
  • climatic
  • economic factors
  • patterns
  • sustainability
  • practices
  • surprising
  • exceptionally
  • improvements
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