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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below give information about the way in which water was used in different countries in 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the way in which water was used in different countries in 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts provide information about the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 for several
purposes
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the bar graph illustrates the amount of aquatic
usage
Use synonyms
 in various countries. Both were taken in the year 2000 and measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the amount of
water
Use synonyms
 used was dominant for
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 Canada was high for industrial objectives and India for agricultural
usage
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie charts, the
water
Use synonyms
 intake was high for
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
purposes
Use synonyms
, which accounted for seven in ten, followed by industrial
usage
Use synonyms
 at nearly a quarter, more than three times higher than that of agriculture. Other than that, domestic
purposes
Use synonyms
 showed the least at just below one in ten, nearly three times lower than industrial intake. Turning to the bar charts data, Canada and India showed the most
water
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 than other countries. Canada used 80% of
water
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 for industrial
purposes
Use synonyms
, eight times higher than New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 for the same category.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, India
also
Linking Words
 utilized almost 100% of
water
Use synonyms
 for agricultural needs, which was more than doubled compared to New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 at 44% .
However
Linking Words
, for domestic
usage
Use synonyms
, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 accounted
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 46% of
water
Use synonyms
 being used, making New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 the highest among all countries.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, usage, purposes, zealand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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