IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that government should not give international aid since they have disadvantaged people like unemployed and homeless in their own country. To what extent do u you agree or disagree?

Humans must help anyone in need.
However
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, public money should be used to finance other nations in case of emergency
in
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, in
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thinking
Correct article usage
the thinking
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 of some
individuals
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individuals,
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while
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 other opposes that these finances should be invested in the citizens looking for aid.
Analyzing
Change the spelling
Analysing
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 that I partially agree with the former
viewpoint
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viewpoint,
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 as the aid by the
gover
Correct your spelling
government
To
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to
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 other countries can help save many lives
yet
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, yet
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 it is the responsibility of the public authority to look after its own residents. On the one hand, many nations around the globe face unpredictable events like natural disasters
where
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, where
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 immediate help is required in order to cope with the situation. Taking
this
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 into account, recently Turkey has gone through
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 magnitude earthquake
which
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, which
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 damaged most of the infrastructure
Rephrase
apply
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also
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,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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folks
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people
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 died in the disaster
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whereas
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, whereas
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 some were rescued later.
Consequently
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, in
such
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sort of
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an incident
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,
incident
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apply
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 all the countries need to step ahead to save human life.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to help someone in need
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, specifically
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specifically
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especially
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 if any place faces mass destruction, it should be aided at priority.
On the other hand
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, developing parts of the world have a great number of unemployed and homeless residents
,
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;
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hence
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, authorities should consider helping them
first
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first,
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 as
,
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apply
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eventually it will improve the position of the country on the global scale.
For example
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 India, the money that was supposed to be spent on people in need was used to fund Turkey
even
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, even
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 if
,
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apply
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 its own citizens were dying
as a result
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 of a shortage of food
Correct word order
apply
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subsequently
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,
affecting
Correct word order
subsequently affecting
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 the economy of the country. Certainly, many individuals die every day
due to
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 the shortage of food
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while
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, while
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 the government is busy spending public money somewhere else.
Thus
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, every nation needs to focus on its own needy population first. In conclusion, in partially agreeing and disagreeing with the viewpoints of both groups of the public, the government should aid both ways by distributing equal amounts of funds in both categories
either
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, either
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 helping people with no homes or aiding other countries in need.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, middle, end. Intro with your view, body with two ideas, conclusion with a summary.
language
Stick to one main idea per paragraph. Use simple link words to show reason and result.
content
Give real and clear examples. Explain how the example shows your point.
grammar
Check grammar. Use short sentences and correct punctuation.
balance
The writer shows both sides of the issue.
ideas
There are some clear examples and a view about what to do.
relevance
The idea of helping in other countries is linked to real events.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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