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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries students are required to learn a foreign language but in other countries it is not necessary to do so. Discuss the benefits of each case and give your opinion.

In some countries,
students
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 are required to learn a foreign
language
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,
while
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 in others, it is not considered necessary.
This
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 essay will discuss the benefits of both approaches and present my opinion on the matter.
Firstly
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, a key advantage of mandatory foreign
language
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 education is that it encourages
students
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 to broaden their horizons, enhancing cultural awareness and fostering inclusivity in society. By learning a new
language
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,
students
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 often develop an interest in different cultures, traditions, and lifestyles.
Furthermore
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, even if they encounter challenges in mastering the
language
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, these obstacles can lead to enjoyable learning experiences,
such
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 as engaging with music and films in that
language
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.
Additionally
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, fluency in one foreign
language
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 can facilitate the process of learning additional languages in the future, making
students
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 more versatile communicators.
On the other hand
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, opting for a voluntary approach to
language
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 learning reduces pressure on
students
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 who may feel reluctant to study a second
language
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.
This
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 flexibility allows them to allocate their time to other valuable activities,
such
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 as sports or arts.
For example
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,
students
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 who struggle with foreign
language
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 acquisition often suffer from a lack of confidence, which can impede their
overall
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 academic performance.
However
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, by focusing their efforts on areas where they excel,
such
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 as volunteering or charity work, they can gain meaningful experiences that enhance their self-esteem and personal growth. In conclusion, both approaches have significant advantages.
However
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, I believe that the latter approach outweighs the former
due to
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 the challenges associated with managing a diverse curriculum. Allowing
students
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 the freedom to choose their learning paths can lead to more engaged and confident individuals. Ultimately, after gaining linguistic skills,
students
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 can share personal experiences and opinions, contributing to a richer understanding of cultural diversity.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain clarity and logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced discussion with specific examples or evidence to support each side of the argument more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, clearly outlining the main topic and summarizing your opinion.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear, comprehensive response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are well-organized and easy to follow, showing a strong command of language.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • broadening horizons
  • cognitive abilities
  • competitive edge
  • global economic opportunities
  • cultural understanding
  • empathy
  • academic burden
  • stress-free education
  • in-depth studies
  • advancements and innovation
  • balanced approach
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