Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is truly essential to maintain a balance between work life and studies specifically in the case of students.
Therefore
, a group of individuals believe that children should not be allowed to struggle before the age of 18 years. Analysing that it is a crucially important time of life where class is the only focus and jobs could be distracted
as well as
it could hinder their future growth. I completely agree with the viewpoint.
Firstly
, high school-going children are learning the basics of the subjects that play as the foundation in their career,
hence
, they should study despite working. In Canada, most of the youth task at the chain restaurant for at least 20 hours a week and when the group was interviewed they said it is hard to learn after shifts as it is energy-consuming.
Consequently
, the offspring get distracted from the most important part of their future, respectively, education.
Therefore
, it should be mandatory to not let the younger generation work as a learning age is way more vital than any other activity.
Secondly
, starting their early job at minimum wage is so satisfactory to young brains that they might not want to study
further
and keep working at the same pay rate throughout. Mainly because of the less awareness and insufficient knowledge to make decisions in life. Taking
this
into account, many teenagers do not join colleges for
further
studies as they want to continue with their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. Certainly,
such
sort of greed is not fruitful in the long run and is not the right career decision.
Thus
, young buds should only study in order to stay on track. In conclusion, in my opinion, I completely agree that students less than 18 years of age should primarily go to school
instead
of doing jobs as it is not beneficial for building a successful career.
Submitted by ramanpreetkaursetia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points and provide a strong framework for the essay. Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support your points. Address all aspects of the prompt and provide a balanced view. Consider the opposing viewpoint and refute it in the body of the essay to show depth of thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: