Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is truly essential to maintain a balance between work life and studies specifically in the case of students.

Therefore

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, a group of individuals believe that children should not be allowed to struggle before the age of 18 years. Analysing that it is a crucially important time of life where class is the only focus and jobs could be distracted

as well as

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it could hinder their future growth. I completely agree with the viewpoint.

Firstly

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, high school-going children are learning the basics of the subjects that play as the foundation in their career,

hence

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, they should study despite working. In Canada, most of the youth task at the chain restaurant for at least 20 hours a week and when the group was interviewed they said it is hard to learn after shifts as it is energy-consuming.

Consequently

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, the offspring get distracted from the most important part of their future, respectively, education.

Therefore

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, it should be mandatory to not let the younger generation work as a learning age is way more vital than any other activity.

Secondly

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, starting their early job at minimum wage is so satisfactory to young brains that they might not want to study

further

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and keep working at the same pay rate throughout. Mainly because of the less awareness and insufficient knowledge to make decisions in life. Taking

this

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into account, many teenagers do not join colleges for

further

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studies as they want to continue with their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

. Certainly,

such

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sort of greed is not fruitful in the long run and is not the right career decision.

Thus

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, young buds should only study in order to stay on track. In conclusion, in my opinion, I completely agree that students less than 18 years of age should primarily go to school

instead

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of doing jobs as it is not beneficial for building a successful career.

Submitted by ramanpreetkaursetia on Mon May 29 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points and provide a strong framework for the essay. Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader.

task achievement

Include more specific examples and data to support your points. Address all aspects of the prompt and provide a balanced view. Consider the opposing viewpoint and refute it in the body of the essay to show depth of thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

fundamental cornerstone
literacy and numeracy
social inequalities
foundation of knowledge
social mobility
informed and engaged citizenry
democratic processes
youth crime rates
productive activities
vocational training
workforce
stifling individual talent
economic contribution
stress and mental health issues
unsuitable educational system
one-size-fits-all approach
diverse talents
career paths
formal academic education
financial strains
low-income countries
improving quality of education

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Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Museums and art gallaries should concentrate on works that show histroy and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

In some cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem

Many people like having a fixed daily routine, while others enjoy the change in their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

this rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvangtage?