Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, some
students
choose to take a gap
year
to travel abroad or work before attending university
. This
decision sparks debates between youth and their guardians. However
, do the advantages of this
decision outweigh the disadvantages?
Many students
argue that taking a gap
year
brings several benefits. First of all, the accumulation of experience from doing different jobs during that year
allows teenagers to enrich their knowledge and clarify their objectives and career paths. They often engage in jobs related to their intended profession. Secondly
, many people choose to travel extensively, both domestically and internationally, to broaden their understanding of different cultural values and improve their language skills. For instance
, many individuals prefer to visit neighboring
countries to enhance their English communication skills through immersion and experience the unique heritage of each country. Change the spelling
neighbouring
Lastly
, after finishing high school, teenagers may invest a year
earning extra money, which can stabilize their family budget, or defer college registration for a year
.
On the other hand
, some people oppose this
decision. Many students
may face peer pressure when they first enroll
in Change the spelling
enrol
university
and make friends with younger classmates. This
situation can lead to negative feelings and a lack of confidence while
working in groups and communicating with others. Additionally
, some students
view those who take a gap
year
as academic failures or individuals who engage in serious misconduct during high school. Consequently
, their friends might develop negative perceptions, potentially leading to depression and distrust for some youths in university
.
In conclusion, the advantages of taking a gap
year
outweigh the disadvantages because it allows individuals to equip themselves with a solid knowledge base and make informed decisions when entering university
. Therefore
, if you are uncertain about your career path, consider taking a gap
year
to reflect and prepare yourself.Submitted by tdkhadhsg on
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task response
Your essay clearly addresses all parts of the task. You presented well-rounded insights into both advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, with an effective conclusion that gives a clear position.
task response
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with more specific examples. For instance, provide more detailed scenarios of how gap years have benefitted students or led to challenges.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional devices more effectively to link paragraphs and ideas. Phrases like "On the other hand" and "For instance" are used well, but try to incorporate more variety to enhance flow between points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are succinct yet comprehensive. While your conclusion effectively summarizes and reaffirms your stance, the introduction might benefit from stating the thesis more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, contributing to a logical overall structure.
coherence cohesion
Strong conclusion that succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the main argument, thereby reinforcing your position.
task response
You have included relevant opinions from both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the topic at hand.
task response
Your examples, particularly those about job experience and traveling to enhance language skills, illustrate your points effectively and provide practical context.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example