The graph given illustrate the used devices in the 18 to 25 age group in canada used to watch television in two different years(2009 and 2018).

The graph given illustrate the used devices in the 18 to 25 age group in canada used to watch television in two different years(2009 and 2018).
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph given
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
the used devices in the 18 to 25 age group in
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
used
Correct pronoun usage
that used
show examples
to watch television in two different years(2009 and 2018). At the
onest
Correct your spelling
onset
honest
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
conventional
TV
Use synonyms
was the highest device that people used in 2009 ,
while
Linking Words
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
made up the lowest.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in 2019 flat -screen
TV
Use synonyms
had the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
number of
users
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
conventional
TV
Use synonyms
took the lowest point. The pie chart
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
that conventional
TV
Use synonyms
had the most
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
of 34% of
users
Use synonyms
in comparison to a mere 5% who used tablet at the year of 2009.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in 2019,
whereas
Linking Words
the lowest
presentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
of
users
Use synonyms
who use conventional
TV
Use synonyms
,
flat -screen
Correct your spelling
flat-screen
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
had the largest amount of
users
Use synonyms
which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 27%. Among the remaining instruments, in 2009 laptops had the highest number of device manipulators, accounting for 20% of the total.
This
Linking Words
accounted for quite similar proportions for both desktop and
tabelt
Correct your spelling
tablet
for
approxately
Correct your spelling
approximately
18% and 5% respectively.The reverse is seen in 2019
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
had
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
percentage of 12% as
oppsed
Correct your spelling
opposed
to tablet
users
Use synonyms
rate which rose marginally to 19% in the next year.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, users with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional television sets
  • mobile devices
  • technological advancements
  • streaming services
  • laptop and desktop computers
  • flexibility
  • multifunctionality
  • smart TVs
  • household routines
  • younger demographics
  • streaming sticks
  • gaming consoles
  • digital entertainment purposes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: