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Band 6.5

The graph given illustrate the used devices in the 18 to 25 age group in canada used to watch television in two different years(2009 and 2018).

The graph given illustrate the used devices in the 18 to 25 age group in canada used to watch television in two different years(2009 and 2018).
#devices #age #group #canada #television #two #years
The graph given
illustrate
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illustrates
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 the used devices in the 18 to 25 age group in
canada
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Canada
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used
Correct pronoun usage
that used
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 to watch television in two different years(2009 and 2018). At the
onest
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onset
honest
,
in
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apply
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conventional
TV
 was the highest device that people used in 2009 ,
while
tablet
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tablets
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 made up the lowest.
In contrast
, in 2019 flat -screen
TV
 had the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
 number of
users
,
whereas
 conventional
TV
 took the lowest point. The pie chart
demonstrate
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demonstrates
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 that conventional
TV
 had the most
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of 34% of
users
 in comparison to a mere 5% who used tablet at the year of 2009.
Conversely
, in 2019,
whereas
 the lowest
presentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
users
 who use conventional
TV
,
flat -screen
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flat-screen
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TV
 had the largest amount of
users
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for 27%. Among the remaining instruments, in 2009 laptops had the highest number of device manipulators, accounting for 20% of the total.
This
 accounted for quite similar proportions for both desktop and
tabelt
Correct your spelling
tablet
 for
approxately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 18% and 5% respectively.The reverse is seen in 2019
which
Correct word choice
when
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 desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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 had
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
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in
Change preposition
apply
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percentage of 12% as
oppsed
Correct your spelling
opposed
 to tablet
users
 rate which rose marginally to 19% in the next year.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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