IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take riske, both in their professional lives and their personal lifes. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #riske #lives #lifes #risks
Most people believe that taking risks in life is crucial, and it can lead to a better future. For me, there are a lot more advantages of doing
this
 and I'll go over some relevant benefits of
this
 assumption in
this
 essay. Personally, It is already reckoned that taking big risks in our professional dwell and in our personal life is a necessary thing to do in our lifetime at least once.
Firstly
, doing something dangerous, which might bring fortune and fame to some people.
Secondly
, it is an
unforgetful
Correct your spelling
unforgettable
show examples
 fun thing to do.
For example
, taking a big exam is a kind of heart beating, but it means you do some act to achieve your goal. But once you
passed
Wrong verb form
pass
show examples
 that hard exam, you will be more confident in any hard situation.
Moreover
, unpredictable and dangerous things are scary, but if you have a good plan, and
having
Verb problem
are
show examples
 full of measurements, you have to try those,
such
 as changing a mundane office job that you hate to do, updating the looks you never had before, and open your heart to another person that you secretly admired for a long time etcetera.
For instance
, the president of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, decided to quit a top university, Harvard, only
for chasing
Change preposition
to chase
show examples
 his dream
for create
Change preposition
of creating
show examples
 a big network.
Although
 he was a top student at the university, he realized that he had to take a huge risk for his aim.
To conclude
, if some individuals are desperate
for changing
Change preposition
to change
show examples
 their current situation, they have to "jump into fire" sometimes. It may seem arduous in the first place, but numerous advantages still exist behind the challenging things. If you once used to do it, you feel proud of yourself after successfully
overcome
Wrong verb form
overcoming it
show examples
.
Submitted by Bolorbatbold99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and the conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a final perspective.
task achievement
The response addresses the question with relevant examples, but does not fully develop the discussion.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's perspective and the conclusion provides a final opinion.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!