IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people have argued that video games are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Do the advantages of video games outweigh the disadvantages ?

In today's rapidly changing world, the debates over whether they should Spend money and spend time on superior hobbles
instead
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 of wider fun. The debate surrounding the reduction preference for promotional film often revolves around two opposing views. I believe that the drawbacks outweigh these benefits.
On the other hand
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, having a sedentary lifestyle creates a number of health issues like obesity, high blood pressure high cholesterol
while
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 sitting for
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 hours for fictional
games
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.
This
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 means that exercise enables the body to pass good blood circulation, without exercise leading to the big disaster of
this
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 problem.
For example
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,
according to
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 Hindustan Time, more than 95%. teenagers are facing not only obesity but
also
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 brain illness
due to
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 sufficient use of electronic devices like Phones, iPads and laptops for
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
Thus
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,
this
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 supports my view that spending time and money on
games
Use synonyms
 is really harmful for both ages Children and adults. Being weak in academic performance is another Considerable disadvantage of
video
Use synonyms
games
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.
This
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 factor emphasises that addiction to
this
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 habitat influences the interest of children and teenagers in studying and face low grades in class and enables them to poor I student in school.
For instance
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, it has been shown that owing to
Video
Use synonyms
games
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; regardless of proper Confirmations, they tried it at home which would have resulted in death.
Therefore
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,
this
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 reason supports my view less grades, knowledge, and performance main drawbacks of
this
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 problem.
On the other hand
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, even though its drawbacks far outweigh the benefits; the capacity to Sharpen Cognitive Skills is the main advantage of
video
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 because it improves memory and problem-solving skills which boast Confidence and optimism. In Conclusion,
although
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 playing
video
Use synonyms
games
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 may have some positive outcomes, I believe that they are outweighed by more significant negative aspects

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument and your position. It helps to set the context for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use proper linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly, which will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use clear and relevant examples to support your arguments further, as they can add depth to your points and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of video games, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Your essay highlights the potential health issues arising from excessive video game usage, which is relevant and significant to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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