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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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Undeniable is the fact that in modern societies the
level
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 of
health
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 among the general population has witnessed a considerable decline.
This
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 has raised a crucial question on how public
health
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 can be promoted. Some segments of
societies
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society
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 believe that the rise in the number of
sports
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facilities
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 can be highly effective on public
health
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. Yet, others argue
this
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 and claim that more measures should be taken into account. In my opinion, the former approach to boosting
health
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level
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levels
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 seems to be superficial since there are more underlying factors that are needed to be considered. On the one hand, it is generally believed that physical activities play a key role in
health
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 maintenance.
Hence
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, one way that has been suggested to tackle the considerable fall in
health
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 levels is developing
sports
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facilities
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. One likely explanation for
this
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 is that the lack of
sport
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sports
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 infrastructure
deprive
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deprives
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 the public mostly younger of different sorts of
sports
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 and
accordingly
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 physical activities. As an illustration, the
level
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 of
health
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 maintenance is noticeably high in cities with the latest
facilities
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 in comparison with the ones that are suffering from a shortage of
sports
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 centres.
On the other hand
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, there are some other factors contributing to the mentioned issue. Of ,course physical activity
are
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is
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 necessary for boosting and maintaining
healthiness
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health
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 but
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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doesn't
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don't
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 result in a healthy lifestyle itself. Should people follow a healthy diet
besides
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 taking up
sports
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, they are more likely to achieve their
health
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 goals and live longer.
Furthermore
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, promoting public awareness about the routines that can risk our lives is
also
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 considered a substantial action that needs to be taken. From my perspective, there are a number of factors which leads people to a high
level
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 of
health
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. Development in
sports
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facilities
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 can not be effective unless it is followed by a proper diet and a
high- standard
Correct your spelling
high-standard
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 lifestyle. In conclusion,
although
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 it is commonly believed that the increase in the number of
sports
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facilities
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 can boost public
health
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 itself, From my point of view
this
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 has to be followed by public awareness because sometimes no matter how fit you are, some habits can trigger fatal diseases.
Submitted by davoudim78 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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