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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded than punished. to what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#students #school
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There are individuals who believe that providing rewards in academic areas will encourage
children
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instead
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 of giving punishments.
However
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, I do agree with
this
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 concept. In
this
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 essay, I will state my clear opinion with valid reasons. On the one hand, punishing
students
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 will only cause a sort of pain , humiliation and fright among young ones. In most schools,
teachers
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 are strict and punish
students
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 when
getting
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they get
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 low marks or for not submitting assignments.
As a result
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,
children
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 will hate the tutors and will eventually lose interest in their studies which may affect their careers.
Apart from
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this
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,
teachers
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 used to compare
students
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 which may lead to mental depression.
For instance
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,in my school there was a child
name
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named
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 Bhagath who was slow in copying notes and
teachers
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 used to blame him a lot
as a result
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,he was depressed and later dropped out of school.
This
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 is the best example to show how punishments and scoldings affect
children
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.
On the other hand
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, educational institutions should encourage
children
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 in both educational and co-curricular activities and should gift them with presents.
Hence
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, they will become confident and will show interest in both fields.
Moreover
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,
teachers
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 must motivate them with love and kindness.
Furthermore
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, areas of talent vary from person to person.
For example
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, a student may not be excellent in studies but
instead
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 may show interest in sports or arts. So as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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educated people,
elder
Correct your spelling
older
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 ones should motivate them and help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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build confidence. In conclusion, punishments should be banned in institutions. In fact, tutors must approach
students
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 with kindness .
In addition
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, they should
also
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 teach them to be a good citizen.
Submitted by ameeshaaa19 on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear thesis statement and does not fully address the prompt. The arguments are not well-developed and lack coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and do not effectively summarize the main points. Additionally, the essay lacks clear transitions between ideas, making it difficult to follow.
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