The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recent years have witnessed a significant increase in the

obesity

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rate, causing pressure on the healthcare system around the world.

Consequently

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, some contend that incorporating physical

education

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into the school curriculum is the most optimal medium to overcome

this

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issue. Personally, I hold different opinions on it. In

this

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essay, I will explain my justification in detail.

To begin

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with, opponents believe that including physical

education

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in the learning program plays a pivotal role in curbing

obesity

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. They argue that providing physical lessons might instill a habit of regular physical activities at a young age which can reduce the

obesity

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problem in the long term.

Furthermore

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this

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program can enhance students’ awareness of the importance of health and fitness, potentially encouraging a healthy lifestyle choice outside the school.

While

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I agree that physical

education

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has its own merits, it is not a comprehensive method to overcome

obesity

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. It is essential to acknowledge that

obesity

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can be influenced by several factors,

such

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as genetics, dietary habits and sedentary lifestyle.

Therefore

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, solely focusing on physical activities might neglect the importance of a holistic understanding of mental health, nutrition and. More than that, the effectiveness of

this

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strategy can be compromised by various elements, including inadequate facilities, a lack of qualified instructors and varying students’ interests. To overcome

this

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problem, I believe that it is imperative to have a multifaceted solution that extends beyond the classroom. To be more specific, governments should collaborate with schools to promote health-conscious policies, including regulating the amount of unhealthy snacks at schools and promoting nutrition

education

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. These policies provide students with useful knowledge, helping them to make informed decisions about their daily diet.

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, governments might consider allocating more resources to recreational amenities, sports facilities and community programs which are accessible to all members of society. By doing some, students can be offered a wide variety of physical options which align with their interests and needs. In conclusion,

although

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physical

education

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lessons can reduce the

obesity

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rate to a certain extent, I believe that the solution for

this

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matter requires a combination of strategies, including well-rounded

education

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and well-developed infrastructure facilitating physical activities in the public.

nguyenlyacbdWed May 31 2023

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Task Achievement

To strengthen your argument and enhance task response, incorporate more detailed, specific examples that directly support your main points. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or specific real-world instances where implementing a multifaceted approach to combat obesity proved effective.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a clear logical structure and good use of introduction and conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion further, focus on smoother transitions between paragraphs and sentences. Explicit linking phrases could be more frequently utilized to enhance the flow between your ideas.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

359 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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