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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984.

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The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984.
The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of
France
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
 in 1984.
Overall
Linking Words
, the Indian population is younger. The 0-5
years
Use synonyms
 represent the biggest part of the population in
India
Use synonyms
 at almost 14,5%
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 in
France
Use synonyms
 the same category
acts as
Verb problem
accounts for
show examples
 only approximately 7 percent.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , the older the Indian population gets
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 fewer the number of people they represent, with
a little
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 exception being the more than 70
years
Use synonyms
 old . In
Use synonyms
France
Punctuation problem
France,
show examples
 it can be described as the following
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 children (5-10) , at 6.5%
than
Punctuation problem
, than
show examples
 babies (0-5). Next , between adolescents (10-15) and adults (30-35
)
Add a comma
),
show examples
the number is very similar, being around 8% . The number
then
Linking Words
 decreases from 35 to 45
years
Use synonyms
 ,reaching 4,5%.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
then
Linking Words
 increases until 50-55
years
Use synonyms
, before finding the same logic as
India
Use synonyms
 (with a little exception at 65 to 70).
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is possible to notice that in
France
Use synonyms
 , we live on average until much older. Indeed, the above 70
years
Use synonyms
 category
speak
Correct subject-verb agreement
speaks
show examples
 for less than 3% in
India
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
 in
France
Use synonyms
 respond to 9%

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, india, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charts
  • age structure
  • populations
  • France
  • India
  • 1984
  • overall
  • different
  • evenly distributed
  • proportion
  • young people
  • elderly individuals
  • largest age group
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