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Band 6.5

The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984.

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The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984.
This
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 graph shows the different
age
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distribution
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 of
both
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 genders in
France
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 and in
India
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 in 1984. It compares the percentage of small
age
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 groups
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
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 the natality and life expectancy.
Overall
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,
India
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 has a very important amount of young population with a strong natality. But
this
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 large proportion is decreasing over the different
aging
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ageing
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 groups.
By contrast
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,
France
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 has a balanced proportion of
age
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distribution
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,
therefore
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 the eldest generation is bigger. In
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India
Add a comma
India,
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 the most important category is the children aged between 0 and 5
with
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, with
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 around 7% for
both
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 females and males.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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this
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 high percentage is gradually decreasing as the
age
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group
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 increases, with approximately 3% for the category of 25 to 30. And
this
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 illustrates the very reduced life expectancy for adolescents.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 in
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France
Add a comma
France,
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 the
distribution
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 was more stable
the
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, the
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 younger category represents around 3% and 4% for each gender.
In addition
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, the population aged between 30 and 35 represents 4%.
Lastly
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, the most important difference
for
Change preposition
between the two
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both
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 countries is the different
age
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 rate in
older
Add an article
the older
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 categories. In
India
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, the percentage of the elderly generation is strongly lower
,
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;
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 the older
group
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 was lower than 70
with
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, with
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 less than 2% for
both
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 males and females.
While
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 in
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France
Punctuation problem
France,
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 the
age
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group
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 of 60 to 65 represents a significant part of the country’s population
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the oldest
age
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group
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 is 85
wich
Rephrase
, which
 still represents 1.5%.
Nevertheless
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,
bot
Correct your spelling
both
India
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 and
France
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 have a relatively similar
proportions
Check wording
proportion
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 of the gender
distribution
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 in different categories.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, distribution, both, france, india, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charts
  • age structure
  • populations
  • France
  • India
  • 1984
  • overall
  • different
  • evenly distributed
  • proportion
  • young people
  • elderly individuals
  • largest age group
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