IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that the popularity of the cinemas around the world has declined. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #popularity #cinemas #world
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To a greater
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 I agree that the popularity of
cinemas
Use synonyms
 decreased in the world. With the coming of technology, visits to the
movie
Use synonyms
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 have depreciated as many folks can now download films online and view them from home. Most film theatre centres have closed thereby living only a few in operation
hence
Linking Words
 fewer
people
Use synonyms
 visit the
cinemas
Use synonyms
. The coming of social media has distanced
people
Use synonyms
 from attending
cinemas
Use synonyms
 as most
people
Use synonyms
 spend more time glued to their gadgets. A lot of online streaming sites are now available and it is even cheaper to view films online compared to visiting
cinemas
Use synonyms
.A variety of films will be available for your selection
hence
Linking Words
 making it easy for one to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 a
movie
Use synonyms
 they prefer compared to seeing whatever is offered by the
movie
Use synonyms
 house. These days, movies are
also
Linking Words
 available on compact discs that are available for sale or rental from shops and anyone can rent out the disc and view on their personal time thereby removing the need to visit
cinemas
Use synonyms
. The need for money has
also
Linking Words
 resulted in fewer
people
Use synonyms
 going out
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 movies as they will be at work. To a lesser
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 I disagree that the fame of
cinemas
Use synonyms
 has declined as there are still some
people
Use synonyms
 who visit
cinemas
Use synonyms
 every day. If
movie
Use synonyms
 houses have lost
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 grip, they would have all closed. On the greater side,
cinemas
Use synonyms
 have lost their fame.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • popularity
  • declined
  • online streaming platforms
  • cinema attendance
  • convenience
  • affordability
  • competition
  • unique experience
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