IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that equality between the genders has already been achieved while others feel there is considerable progress to be made. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The difference between
sexes
Use synonyms
 was very significant in history, males were always considered to be more prior than
females
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 a group of individual believes that nowadays,
discrimination
Use synonyms
 between
both
Use synonyms
sexes
Use synonyms
 is vanished, but another group of modernists claims that still there are differences between
both
Use synonyms
 genders. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
sexes
Use synonyms
 should be given equal opportunities,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 Government should take some major steps
due to
Linking Words
 which new job opportunities are equally available for
both
Use synonyms
 males and
females
Use synonyms
. In the looming paragraphs, I will discuss each aspect in detail. To commence with,
females
Use synonyms
 have the liberty to choose any carrier options, earlier only
men
Use synonyms
 were allowed to work in the Military but now
females
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 an integral part of the army.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, The ruling authorities took a major initiative in the corporate and business sectors as a matter of fact now women can
also
Linking Words
 raise funds for their own startups. In UAE,
females
Use synonyms
 were not allowed to drive but now
females
Use synonyms
 have complete liberty to do anything, they have their youtube channels, businesses, and jobs at good companies. It is an undeniable fact that still in some parts of the world
discrimination
Use synonyms
 among
both
Use synonyms
 gender is still there, not only
females
Use synonyms
 but
men
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 not allowed to laugh in the local area. In South ,Korea no one is allowed to laugh in the public area and there is a big penalty for that.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in rural parts of India caste system is still practised
due to
Linking Words
 which
females
Use synonyms
 are not even allowed to speak.
Therefore
Linking Words
, ruling authorities should look into these matters seriously, and take some initiatives to vanish
this
Linking Words
discrimination
Use synonyms
. In a nutshell, every aspect has its pros and cons.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in some sectors like corporate
females
Use synonyms
 are now considered equal to
men
Use synonyms
, and equal opportunities are available for
both
Use synonyms
sexes
Use synonyms
, I believe still there are an excessive number of countries where
discrimination
Use synonyms
 between them is still practised,
men
Use synonyms
 do not respect
females
Use synonyms
, and crimes against
females
Use synonyms
 are increasing.
Thus
Linking Words
, the Government should take some major steps to control it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: