IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Modern
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 has transformed the way we interact, offering numerous advantages
such
Linking Words
 as instant messaging, video calls, and social media platforms.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it has
also
Linking Words
 negatively affected social
relationships
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint to some extent, as the overuse of
technology
Use synonyms
 can lead to weakened personal connections and reduced face-to-face
interactions
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 allows us to stay connected across long distances, it often leads to superficial
interactions
Use synonyms
. Texting, social media, and messaging apps encourage brief, shallow conversations rather than deep, meaningful ones.
People
Use synonyms
 may become more focused on maintaining online friendships rather than nurturing
relationships
Use synonyms
 in real life, which can weaken the emotional bonds we share with others.
As a result
Linking Words
, genuine, face-to-face
interactions
Use synonyms
 may decrease, leading to a sense of isolation.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the constant availability of
communication
Use synonyms
 platforms can create distractions in social situations. Many
people
Use synonyms
 find themselves glued to their smartphones, even when spending time with family and friends.
This
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 can make individuals feel ignored or undervalued, straining personal
relationships
Use synonyms
. The excessive use of
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 can sometimes create a barrier to forming strong social connections, making
people
Use synonyms
 feel distant even when physically present.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 offers significant benefits. It allows
people
Use synonyms
 to maintain
relationships
Use synonyms
 across geographical boundaries, providing a way to stay in touch with loved ones who live far away.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that balance is key.
While
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 can enhance our ability to connect, over-reliance on it can weaken the quality of those
relationships
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I agree that modern
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 has some negative effects on social
relationships
Use synonyms
, particularly when it is overused. To maintain meaningful connections, it is essential to strike a balance between digital
communication
Use synonyms
 and real-life
interactions
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

example
While the essay balances well between presenting the advantages and disadvantages of communication technology, it could benefit from more specific examples to better illustrate how these technologies affect social relationships.
idea
The argument is clear and the ideas are comprehensive, but consider delving deeper into one or two main points to enhance the depth of your argument.
structure
Maintain the strong introduction and conclusion but consider diversifying the sentence structures to enhance readability.
focus
The essay maintains a consistent focus on the effects of modern communication technology, effectively covering both positive and negative aspects.
setup
The introduction and conclusion are strong, setting the stage and summarizing the argument effectively.
flow
Linking phrases and words are used effectively to ensure a smooth flow between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • messaging apps
  • social media
  • non-verbal cues
  • family bonds
  • dependency
  • digital communication
  • superficial relationships
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • social isolation
  • virtual connections
  • emotional satisfaction
  • real-life interactions
  • technological intrusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: