IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

31.Some people say that too much time and resource are spent on the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #resource #protection #animals #birds
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It is of the opinion that the preservation of
wildlife
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 has accounted for too much time and resources. Personally, I hold a different perspective on
this
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 notion. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my justification in detail.
Firstly
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, it has been observed that the budget allocated to the conservation of wild animals and birds is still limited.
This
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 is because governments believe that animal welfare is only a minor importance, and other social issues should be prioritized.
Therefore
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, they are unwilling to spend more funds on the protection of
wildlife
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, making it difficult for organizations that are actually trying to make a difference.
For example
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, in Vietnam, we do not see any long-lasting bird conservation
due to
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 a lack of financial support from the government. There are non-governmental organizations that are currently raising funds to protect the existing birds.
Secondly
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, I believe that dedicating time and effort to preserve
wildlife
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 is not only essential but
also
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 a moral imperative.
This
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 is because wild animals and birds play a crucial role in maintaining biodiversity. They are a part of complex ecosystems and their extinction or decline can disrupt these ecosystems and lead to a range of adverse effects.
Furthermore
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, preserving biodiversity can be beneficial for both ecological stability and human well-being as it impacts food, clean water and climate regulation.
Additionally
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, people should have a moral responsibility to protect and care for the natural world. Various species are facing threats
due to
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 human activities, including habitat destruction, poaching and pollution.
Thus
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, it is our ethical duty to rectify the harm we have caused and ensure that future generations can appreciate the beauty and diversity of
wildlife
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. In conclusion,
while
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 it is important to allocate resources effectively, and efficiently, the investment in
wildlife
Use synonyms
 preservation can be justified by the multitude of benefits it brings to society, ecosystems and future generations. Rather than viewing it as an expenditure, we should consider it an investment in the planet's health and well-being of all living creatures, including ourselves.
Submitted by nguyenlyacbd on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion in your essay. Making a strong case for one side is excellent, but also consider briefly acknowledging the other perspective to show a well-rounded understanding.
Coherence/Cohesion
To enrich your essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary. This can make your writing more compelling and demonstrate your proficiency in English.
Coherence/Cohesion
You have structured your essay effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that flowed nicely from one to the other.
Task Achievement
Your essay addressed the task fully, providing clear arguments supported by specific examples. This made your stance and reasoning very clear to the reader.
Task Achievement
Your inclusion of an example from Vietnam made your argument more tangible and persuasive, demonstrating an excellent use of specific examples to support your points.
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