Student learn far more with their teachers than other sources (the Internet or television). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#student #teachers #sources #internet #television

There are those who think that

students

are educated by teachers more than on the Internet or TV, though there have been a lot of technological developments in recent days. In my opinion, I partially disagree with

this

statement, and the reason will be elaborated in the enlisted paragraphs.

Firstly

, the pupils can obtain knowledge through their classes in school, and they spend much time learning subjects in their lives.

This

is because they acquire the necessary skills

such

as common sense and literacy with their mentors,

subsequently

Add a comma

subsequently,

show examples

they tend to imitate their educators’ behaviours and deportments.

For instance

, many

students

would like to be instructors after graduating from university in Japan.

Thus

, there is an inclination that children are stimulated by these mentors and

got

Verb problem

have

show examples

plenty of abilities with them.

On the other hand

, recently youngsters are able to expose a lot of information on the internet and TV

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

also

can learn through some videos on YouTube or other websites

due to

the proliferation of technological devices. It means that they can improve their capabilities whenever they want and wherever they want.

According to

research done in 2019, 60% of university

students

consider that they obtained more pivotal and practical faculties online rather than in their colleges.

Hence

, many young individuals tend to learn their subjects on the network. In conclusion, it

is depended

Wrong verb form

depends

show examples

on what they want to reinforce, For the behaviours, they can learn with their mentors more than the website,

however

, for the knowledge, they can collect more details with the gadgets than with their educators.

In addition

, I consider that most

students

are

Verb problem

learn

show examples

learned with the technologies more,

therefore

, I subtly disagree with

this

view.

Submitted by shimamura0116 on Fri Jun 02 2023

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task response

The essay provides a clear opinion on the topic and supports it with relevant examples. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and the logical structure needs improvement. The essay shows a partial response to the task, with some ideas not fully developed and lack of clarity in certain parts.

coherence and cohesion

The essay lacks coherence in some parts due to the organization of ideas. The introduction and conclusion need to be stronger, and the overall logical flow of the essay needs improvement. Better use of linking words and clear paragraph structures would enhance coherence and cohesion.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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