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Band 6.5

Some peoplebelieve that the difference between the lowest paid jobs and the highest paid jobs should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#peoplebelieve #difference #jobs
Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly common for
people
 to take a
job
 based on the salary offered by the company. Some
people
 think that the
difference
 between the lowest jobs and the highest-paid jobs should be reduced.
However
, I firmly disagree that the earnings
difference
 should be reduced for 2 main reasons. The main reason is the income
difference
 would make work-life more competitive. It is believed that higher income means higher responsibility.
People
 with higher incomes should do more than
people
 with lower-paid jobs.
However
, in order to work in a good association with a good salary,
job
 seekers need to have a good requirement. They have to compete with others to get a position in work-life. For illustration,
people
 should increase their self-values in order to compete with other
job
 seekers.
As a result
, many
people
 will have better self-values and personalities. The following reason is workers are paid based on their experiences. Many workers learn and improve themselves through experiences. It makes them advance in their task. By having improved skills, workers will get big earnings.
For instance
, the association prefers to require
job
 seekers with many experiences rather than freshmen.
Consequently
, the company will gain profits
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
.
To sum up
, in
this
 modern era, salary is one of the main issues in society. Many
people
 argue that the
difference
 between the lowest-paid
job
 and the highest-paid
job
 should be decreased. I am fully convinced that earnings differences should not be reduced because it will be helpful to improve
people
's self-values and personalities and get more experience.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Sometimes the ideas may seem abrupt; linking words or phrases can help maintain flow.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task effectively, providing more detailed examples will strengthen your argument. Specific case studies or data can make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Clarify your main points further. Sometimes the reasons are presented in a general manner; offering more specific and nuanced explanations can help make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize the main points.
task achievement
The task is addressed with a clear position and structured arguments, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Good use of exemplification where examples are provided. It supports your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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