IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays most of the parents are working which lead to harmful effects on their children. what are the causes and result.

#parents #effects #children
Having offline learning has more advantages towards increasing student ability in life. It is
otherwise
 with studying which is only done online. I agree that studying at
school
serves
Verb problem
has
show examples
 more positive results for
students
.
However
, studying at home would be preferable in a certain condition. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate more on below. On the one hand,
students
 are more comfortable with studying at
school
. It is because they go to
school
 not only about learning the subject but
also
 they feel delighted
along with
 their friend. In
this
 situation, the
students
 are far from getting bored
although
 they are given an assignment from the teacher.
For example
, when teachers ask the
students
 to
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a group discussion to solve a problem,
students
 would find the right partner who could make them comfortable to talk.
This
 situation drives them to be more cooperative and they do not become shy to show themselves. The long-term effect is they could be brave
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
 deal with the situation when they are working later.
On the other hand
, some
students
 would feel uncomfortable going to
school
 if they are sick.
However
, they need updated learning during the day.
This
 condition is acceptable to study at home for some considerations.
Firstly
, the disease they are suffering would spread to others,
secondly
, the student could be monitored well
while
 doing the learning process. In conclusion,
students
 who study in the classroom would be better at shaping their mentality to cooperate with people.
However
, the condition,
such
 as getting sick, would not be suggested to force themselves to go to
school
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all points are directly relevant to the essay question and that examples are clearly linked to the points being made. Additionally, consider the impact of each point and how it contributes to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas within each paragraph by using more connecting words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, review the use of pronouns and demonstratives to signal connections and transitions within and between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income households
  • parental supervision
  • emotional neglect
  • behavioral issues
  • technology dependence
  • family bonding
  • irregular routines
  • academic support
  • compensatory behavior
  • materialism
  • over-gifting
  • independence
  • after-school programs
  • extended family
  • educational development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: