IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is said that the curriculum of
school
Use synonyms
 should be designed based on student needs.
Therefore
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,
students
Use synonyms
 do not feel frustrated in doing learning process. I personally agree to some extent towards the statement, which I will elaborate more on below. On the one hand,
school
Use synonyms
 should not push
children
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 to learn something that they are not into
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Math,
for example
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, is found as a horrible subject for
students
Use synonyms
 and they must pass the subject because it is compulsory.
This
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 will create pressure in a class which leads to unexpected learning processes later.
For example
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,
children
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 feel less motivated to go to
school
Use synonyms
 when a math teacher gives great homework to
students
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 which is complicated to solve.
As a result
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, the education cannot be run well
due to
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 less appeal from the study.
On the other hand
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, learning
subjects
Use synonyms
 which are provided in the
school
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 curriculum lead
students
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 to gain a range of information. It is a positive in favour of their lives which appears to various conditions. It means they can tailor the topic discussion because they have been exposed to different
subjects
Use synonyms
 in
school
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.
For instance
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,
children
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 are usually asked about the heroes who have struggled in their country. So, learning history subject in
school
Use synonyms
 would bring them to the information and the discussion will automatically be created. In conclusion, encouraging
students
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 to learn the compulsory
subjects
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 in most study
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
 will
bring
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 them to get stressed.
However
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, the
children
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 are better to study many
subjects
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 in order to prepare them to have more knowledge in many areas of discussion.

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coherence & cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Use linking words or phrases for better cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more direct and specific examples to better illustrate points and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Clarify your stance and address 'to what extent' part more explicitly throughout the essay for clearer Task Response.
coherence & cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction presenting the topic and the writer’s partial agreement.
coherence & cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the thesis, enhancing structural cohesion.
task achievement
The essay makes a commendable effort to discuss both sides of the argument, showing balanced consideration.
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