IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
people
Use synonyms
 these days have access to plenty of
information
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 without censorship and
this
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 trend
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
risk
Add an article
a risk
show examples
 to several nations worldwide. I totally agree with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
 ,and I will support my arguments in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 paragraphs. To being with, I
belilve
Correct your spelling
believe
 the spread
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information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
 without control can
negative
Add a missing verb
have negative
show examples
 consequences in communities.
Firstly
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,
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
show examples
Use synonyms
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
 can
harmful
Add a missing verb
be harmful
show examples
 to
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health.
This
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 is because some
websites
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 provide unreliable medical
information
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 about some medications
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 cure diseases
such
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,
cancer
Change preposition
as cancer
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,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
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 attack.
In addition
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, some
websites
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sales
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sell
show examples
 medications for individuals in
order
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 to make profits.
As a result
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,
this
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 can encourage
people
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 to purchase
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this medications
Change the determiner
this medication
these medications
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instead
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 of
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 a doctor to take
right
Correct article usage
the right
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diagnose
Replace the word
diagnosis
show examples
, which can
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to death or develop unknown illnesses among members of
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Spread
information
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 without censorship from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
cybercrime
Change preposition
in cybercrime
show examples
.To illustrate some criminals make fake
websites
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 to provide
information
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 in
order
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 in
order
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 to
stealing
Change the verb
steal
show examples
 money
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, some criminals make fake
websites
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 to promote
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fake goods with
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
 in
order
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 to pay attention
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
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 and
then
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 steal
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the money from credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend can pose
threat
Correct article usage
a threat
show examples
 to all communities all around the world.
To sum up
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, it seems to me that
gives
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 access to unlimited
information
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 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to detrimental impacts
inculding
Correct your spelling
including
, health issues,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of crime, and I believe the lawmakers should
intoduce
Correct your spelling
introduce
 laws to monitor the
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 via technology and make sure all
information
Use synonyms
 is reliable to protect
people
Use synonyms
 from dangers.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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