IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #access #information #countries #danger #societies
It is argued that
people
 these days have access to plenty of
information
 without censorship and
this
 trend
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
risk
Add an article
a risk
show examples
 to several nations worldwide. I totally agree with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
 ,and I will support my arguments in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 paragraphs. To being with, I
belilve
Correct your spelling
believe
 the spread
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
 without control can
negative
Add a missing verb
have negative
show examples
 consequences in communities.
Firstly
,
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
show examples
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
 can
harmful
Add a missing verb
be harmful
show examples
 to
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health.
This
 is because some
websites
 provide unreliable medical
information
 about some medications
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 cure diseases
such
,
cancer
Change preposition
as cancer
show examples
,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
 attack.
In addition
, some
websites
sales
Replace the word
sell
show examples
 medications for individuals in
order
 to make profits.
As a result
,
this
 can encourage
people
 to purchase
this medications
Change the determiner
this medication
these medications
show examples
instead
 of
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 a doctor to take
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
diagnose
Replace the word
diagnosis
show examples
, which can
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to death or develop unknown illnesses among members of
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
.
Secondly
, Spread
information
 without censorship from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
cybercrime
Change preposition
in cybercrime
show examples
.To illustrate some criminals make fake
websites
 to provide
information
 in
order
 in
order
 to
stealing
Change the verb
steal
show examples
 money
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
people
.
For example
, some criminals make fake
websites
 to promote
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fake goods with
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
 in
order
 to pay attention
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
 and
then
 steal
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the money from credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
 trend can pose
threat
Correct article usage
a threat
show examples
 to all communities all around the world.
To sum up
, it seems to me that
gives
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
people
 access to unlimited
information
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to detrimental impacts
inculding
Correct your spelling
including
, health issues,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of crime, and I believe the lawmakers should
intoduce
Correct your spelling
introduce
 laws to monitor the
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 via technology and make sure all
information
 is reliable to protect
people
 from dangers.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: