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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #city #countryside #choice
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Some people argue that cultivating teenagers in an urban area is more beneficial than growing children in a village,
while
 others advocate for a life in the countryside.
Although
 living in a rural area positively affects children's cultivation, I believe that living in a metropolitan provides an opportunity for a better
future
 career. On the one hand, life in a village has certain benefits for a youngster's initial development.
In other words
, the atmosphere is so fresh and not polluted by enormous factories and automobiles,
also
 the majority of foods do not contain any additional additives;
therefore
, living in the countryside can influence children's physical progress in a good way.
For example
, in Azerbaijan, it is not uncommon
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people who stay in rural areas to
live
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have more longevity than
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
those who settle down in
cities
.
While
 rural areas have a beneficial impact on offspring's physical development, I do not consider that its influence is strictly different from that of
cities
.
On the other hand
, settling down in
cities
 provides an easy solution to create a better
future
 life.
This
 is to say that numerous developed educational complexes occur in urban areas, so scholars' educational backgrounds differ greatly from those of those who study in villages.
For instance
, in Azerbaijan, the Ministry of Education organizes many contests on different subjects to determine the most intelligent students in that field, and the majority of these pupils live in metropolitan centres.
As a result
, I believe that If a teenager
brings
Wrong verb form
is brought
show examples
 up in
cities
, it will alleviate the challenges
to create
Change preposition
of creating
show examples
 a better
future
 career. In conclusion, despite growing up in the countryside aiding offspring in physical development, I do not think that it varies greatly from living in town;
consequently
, I prefer bringing up teenagers in
cities
 for a better
future
 career.
Submitted by murad.tariverdiyev2005 on

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task response
Your essay addresses both views and presents your opinion clearly. Make sure to provide more detailed examples to support your points and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and flows well. However, work on improving the introduction and conclusion to make them more engaging and summarize your main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • rural area
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • advanced medical facilities
  • peaceful
  • less pollution
  • access to nature
  • community feel
  • foster a sense of belonging
  • natural surroundings
  • outdoor activities
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural richness
  • wholesome upbringing
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