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Writing Samples
Band 8

People think that children nowadays have more freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
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In recent days, there are those who think that juveniles can spend their
time
Use synonyms
 more freely than in the past. In my opinion, I partially disagree with
this
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 view, and the reason will be elaborated in the enlisted paragraphs.
Firstly
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,
Due to
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 the proliferation of technological devices
such
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 as PCs or phones, they can do what they want with these gadgets without supervision by their parents.
Furthermore
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, there has been an increase in the rate of families
that
Correct word choice
where
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both mother and father work,
thus
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 they are not able to pay attention to their children keenly.
For instance
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, a lot of youngsters are given pocket money by their guardians, and eat dinner alone in their houses.
Subsequently
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, they can relish their
time
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 with the internet in their house. It gives them more freedom because they do not have plenty of
time
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 with their parents.
On the other hand
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, they have to spend much
time
Use synonyms
 on club activities or academies since the importance of studying and sports have enriched them nowadays.
This
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 is because many parents consider that children cannot be happy if they are not able to enrol in a
high
Replace the word
highly
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 reputed university or company.
According to
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 research done in 2019, there has been a rise in the percentage of 8-10-year-old students who have to go to the studying or sports schools after their schools from 30 to 50 % for 10 years.
Hence
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, they have to learn more things after school than in the past, and it may render them more severe. In conclusion,
although
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, recently, the young are able to do what they want in their dwellings, they have more things to do after school, and it may restrict their freedom.
Therefore
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, I subtly disagree with
this
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 statement.
Submitted by shimamura0116 on

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