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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
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In
people
Use synonyms
’s
lives
Use synonyms
, many diverse types of
Use synonyms
risks
Change the noun form
risk
show examples
 factors
happens
Correct subject-verb agreement
happen
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 in their own private times and during their working hours. Recently, many
people
Use synonyms
 start thinking about
the
Correct word choice
whether the
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 issue is important or not that much. I disagree that the benefits of having trouble issues outweigh the drawbacks.
Firstly
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,
people
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 can have improvement and development by learning from mistakes and
risks
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 in their professional
lives
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.
According to
Linking Words
 recent research by Melbourne University, the research was
replied
Replace the word
replies
show examples
 by full-timers who felt
improvement
Add an article
an improvement
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of
Change preposition
apply
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by themselves in their workplace from risk
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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.
Change preposition
From the
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The
Correct article usage
A
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 personal’s point of view,
people
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 are able to organize their surrounding
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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such
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 as friendships
in particular
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 kill themselves because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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risks
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from
Change preposition
of
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 their work. Especially in many Asian countries, the number of suicides from
20’s
Fix apostrophe usage
’20s
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 to 40’s
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing
due to
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 working.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 poor working environment affects
to
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apply
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people
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about
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with
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 too much stress and
underpressure
Replace the word
pressure
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 overtime and overwork for one person.
For example
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, in Australia, there is
Add an article
the high-turnover
a high-turnover
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high-turnover
Correct your spelling
high turnover
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 rate of employees by the risk factors.
Moreover
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,
for
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in
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the
Change the word
their
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 personal
lives
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, many unexpected worse things
faced
Add a missing verb
are faced
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to
Change preposition
by
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people
Use synonyms
 at once,
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As the
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of
this
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,
people
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 are unable to accept the
risks
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, so it easily
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 them get
a mental problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
mental problems
a mental problem
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. In conclusion, taking
risks
Use synonyms
 in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s
lives
Use synonyms
 is more harmful and worse than not taking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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