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Band 3.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
In
people
’s
lives
, many diverse types of
risks
Change the noun form
risk
show examples
 factors
happens
Correct subject-verb agreement
happen
show examples
 in their own private times and during their working hours. Recently, many
people
 start thinking about
the
Correct word choice
whether the
show examples
 issue is important or not that much. I disagree that the benefits of having trouble issues outweigh the drawbacks.
Firstly
,
people
 can have improvement and development by learning from mistakes and
risks
 in their professional
lives
.
According to
 recent research by Melbourne University, the research was
replied
Replace the word
replies
show examples
 by full-timers who felt
improvement
Add an article
an improvement
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by themselves in their workplace from risk
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
.
Change preposition
From the
show examples
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 personal’s point of view,
people
 are able to organize their surrounding
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
such
 as friendships
in particular
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 kill themselves because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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risks
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their work. Especially in many Asian countries, the number of suicides from
20’s
Fix apostrophe usage
’20s
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 to 40’s
people
 is increasing
due to
 working.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 poor working environment affects
to
Change preposition
apply
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people
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 too much stress and
underpressure
Replace the word
pressure
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 overtime and overwork for one person.
For example
, in Australia, there is
Add an article
the high-turnover
a high-turnover
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high-turnover
Correct your spelling
high turnover
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 rate of employees by the risk factors.
Moreover
,
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 personal
lives
, many unexpected worse things
faced
Add a missing verb
are faced
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
people
 at once,
Change preposition
As the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of
this
,
people
 are unable to accept the
risks
, so it easily
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them get
a mental problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
mental problems
a mental problem
show examples
. In conclusion, taking
risks
 in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s
lives
 is more harmful and worse than not taking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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