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Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
Some
people
 argued that more
sports
facilities
 in the community would be a better way to improve public
health
, whilst others believed that it will
be result
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 effect on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
. In my opinion, I agree building more
sports
facilities
 is not
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 only solution for that and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 factors need to be
taking
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 into account. There are some benefits of providing more
sports
facilities
 in order to keep
people
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
.
Firstly
, building more
facilities
 means it is easy for the members of the public to find a place for playing
sports
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
nearby their residents or working places, and it will increase incentives for them to do
sports
 regularly in order to stay healthy.
Secondly
,
sports
facilities
 are a good venue for promoting
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 games for the public.
For example
, the Government can organise
sports
 games annually and it is another way to get the public
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
participation
Replace the word
participate
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
sports
.
Furthermore
, since
sports
facilities
 are designed
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 playing
sports
 and these would be built by international rules, it provides more safe
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 and training spaces for
people
. Apart from
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 addition of more
sports
facilities
, I believe there are many ways to get
people
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
healthy.
First,
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 diet would be one of the reasons to improve public
health
. If someone is
meat-eater
Correct article usage
a meat-eater
show examples
 and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 diet, I do not think that
people
 will
be maintain
Change the verb form
maintain
show examples
 healthy
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.
Besides
, the public should do exercise regularly, and become a good habit for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
life.
Finally
, the Government should introduce a body check-up to the public in order to assess their
health
 condition and provide
health
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 for them. Since some
people
 think that increasing more
sports
facilities
 is the best way for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
, I believe there are other measures to deal with it.
Submitted by albedosnow on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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