IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries young people have a little leisure time and are under pressures to work hard in their studies. What do think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers in some parts of the world suffer stress from their
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
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 and not much spent in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
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time
Use synonyms
. There are a variety of reasons for
this
Linking Words
 and several steps can definitely be taken to solve the problem. From my perspective, there are three main reasons why young students put more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 rather than enjoying
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
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time
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there is a misunderstanding in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society that studying hard is an opportunity to become
successful
Add an article
a successful
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 person and
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 respectful in the future.
Secondly
Linking Words
, parents give a high
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
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 their children and arrange extra courses outside
school
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
weekday
Correct article usage
the weekday
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 timetable of children is full of different curriculum subjects after
school
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;
this
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 will put more pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them.
Finally
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, there is
a
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apply
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fierce competition between
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young pupils to get higher
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
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 in order to go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 university they like or
study
Use synonyms
 their
favuorite
Correct your spelling
favourite
 subjects.
However
Linking Words
, good academic result is not only a way to define a person whether successful or not. I believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school
Use synonyms
 teachers should teach the students they should take a balance between
study
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 and leisure
time
Use synonyms
, it
is not just benefit
Change the verb form
does not just benefit
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 their mental health to relieve stress and may
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in better
study
Use synonyms
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, parents should not only focus on
Use synonyms
Add an article
a study
the study
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children,
they should
Add the word(s)
but they should also
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 create
good
Add an article
a good
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 learning atmosphere in different areas to achieve
all-round
Correct your spelling
all-around
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 development
of
Change preposition
in
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 their life. Like Lionel Messi, being a soccer player can
also
Linking Words
 be a role model for younger people.
Furthermore
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, youngsters should develop their interests
such
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 as arts, sports or learning AI technology and interests may become their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in the future. In conclusion, it is not good that young people only put effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their curriculum,
school
Use synonyms
, parents and the public should promote a
work hard
Add a hyphen
work-hard
show examples
 and
play hard
Add a hyphen
play-hard
show examples
 balance in student’s
study
Use synonyms
 life.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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