In some countries young people have a little leisure time and are under pressures to work hard in their studies. What do think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers in some parts of the world suffer stress from their
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
and not much spent in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
time
. There are a variety of reasons for
this
and several steps can definitely be taken to solve the problem. From my perspective, there are three main reasons why young students put more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
rather than enjoying
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
.
Firstly
, there is a misunderstanding in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society that studying hard is an opportunity to become
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
person and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
respectful in the future.
Secondly
, parents give a high
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
their children and arrange extra courses outside
school
.
For example
,
weekday
Correct article usage
the weekday
show examples
timetable of children is full of different curriculum subjects after
school
;
this
will put more pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
them.
Finally
, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fierce competition between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young pupils to get higher
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
in order to go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
university they like or
study
their
favuorite
Correct your spelling
favourite
subjects.
However
, good academic result is not only a way to define a person whether successful or not. I believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
teachers should teach the students they should take a balance between
study
time
and leisure
time
, it
is not just benefit
Change the verb form
does not just benefit
show examples
their mental health to relieve stress and may
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
in better
study
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
Also
, parents should not only focus on
Add an article
a study
the study
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
their children,
they should
Add the word(s)
but they should also
show examples
create
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
learning atmosphere in different areas to achieve
all-round
Correct your spelling
all-around
show examples
development
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
their life. Like Lionel Messi, being a soccer player can
also
be a role model for younger people.
Furthermore
, youngsters should develop their interests
such
as arts, sports or learning AI technology and interests may become their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
in the future. In conclusion, it is not good that young people only put effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
their curriculum,
school
, parents and the public should promote a
work hard
Add a hyphen
work-hard
show examples
and
play hard
Add a hyphen
play-hard
show examples
balance in student’s
study
life.
Submitted by albedosnow on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: